Chapter 9 of 74 · Book 6, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

Chapter 9 — The Mock Battle Arena

Book: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride · Part: Havana · Previous: Chapter 8 — The Bedlam Bride · Next: Chapter 10 — Pueblo de los Olvidados · Floor: Floor 8 — The Ghosts of Earth · Series: the series

Opening

» Warning: You have a consumable card in your deck.

Summary

December 12; the assault begins the 24th; one totem of six. The practice arena costs 1,000, 2,000 or 5,000 gold by difficulty; Donut can set the environment — the Arena of the Eulogist, a domed colosseum at three-quarter gravity packed with cheering Nebulars whose affection she sets 'all the way to the top', purple flowers Mongo sneezes at. Combat starts and four magazine-sized cards hang in front of her face wherever she looks ('Carl, Carl, what do I do? Help! I can't see!'); Mongo meanwhile disembowels the opponent — a purple thing with a red purse Donut identifies as Tinky Winky, whose intestines ascend like sausages. 'That was a waste of money.' Bea, it turns out, watched Teletubbies on the DVR and cried; Donut has been team Dipsy since day one. Round two in an abandoned arena with a cracked dome and a blue sun: a hand with no totem — 'you're immediately vulnerable' — the Combo card discarded, a ten-second refill, the deck exhausted, and Geraldo summoned with a boss-battle explosion, a heart-covered headband, and kung fu sound effects added to every movement ('Where the crabs at?'). Stout and one Time Extend land on him with comic-book fanfare; uncommon totems hold only two utility cards, so unique ones may hold seven. The enemy is a Squonk, level 35, an Eastern United States legendary: a wrinkled, weeping, welted pig that has no attacks, farts, and dissolves into water on its own. 'I ain't touching that thing.' Carl: 'I'm starting to think we'd be better off at medium difficulty.'

Characters

• Princess Donut — Squad leader with cards in her face; Blue's Clues theories; team Dipsy.
• Carl — Read the rules; learns uncommon totems hold two utility cards.
• Mongo — Kills a Teletubby.
• Geraldo — Summoned: a headband, sound effects, a longing for crabs.
• Bea — Watched Teletubbies and cried.

Locations

• The Mock Battle Arena — A hangar that becomes any arena; Nebulars in the stands; a Squonk behind a tree.

Motifs

• T'Ghee totems — Hands, discards, refills, utility limits by rarity; a totem in a team headband.
• Earth mythology — The Squonk and the Teletubbies as legendary creatures.
• The Nebulars — A cheering crowd of them, by default.