Chapter 25 of 35 · Book 3, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

Chapter 25 — Seven hundred hats

Book: The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook · Previous: Chapter 24 — Brynhild's Daughters is no more · Next: Chapter 26 — Growler Gary · Floor: Floor 4 — The Iron Tangle · Series: the series

Opening

» Time to Level Collapse: 3 days, 3 hours

Summary

'You're going to get us killed one way or the other, Carl. It might as well be for a good cause.' The shape of the floor comes into focus: a spirograph, the trainyards on its rim, every coloured line spiralling to the one abyss at its centre — where five or six hundred hatless crawlers are now stuck, the catwalks collapsing under constantly generated lizards. Li Jun takes the thousand to station 36 to join Meadow Lark and hold it; other groups are trying other 36s, a 24, and the generators at 12 and 72. Carl's plan is to drive the battered Vermillion engine a full day to the end of the line and hand out hats. At station 75 he asks the crowd for their souvenir hats, expecting them to be hoarded — and in twenty minutes has seven hundred, plus fifteen coloured-line keys. 'There is hope for us. Not a lot. But it's there.' Donut: three and a half million gold if they sold them.

Station 75 is the interdiction depot — flatbed repair cars, warehouses, a gnoll armoury already looted, a hobgoblin repair shop, and the Downward Dog, a tavern with a passed-out Shade Gnoll bartender and a personal-space door but no rentable rooms. Tracking blood across the floor, Katia laughs about her mother; Carl decides she is on the team now and forever, and nobody says it. One of Carl's achievements has nothing to do with the battle: Mentally Unstable Clothing Hoarder! for the hats. Katia's ten boxes: a Desperado Club tattoo, a Savage box with a Find Crawler skill potion (level three), the 500,000 bounty, and a Platinum Slam Master box — the Enchanted Wrestling Belt of the Great Gorgo (+5% strength and constitution, Avalanche: twice her mass on impact). The recap is a tribute to Hekla — her husband left to the rats, a rib bone through a rat's eye, the Legendary Grrl Power box — and then Katia's story: Eva chose first at the third floor's selection and left her. It shows the kill as rage, not accident. The leaderboard: Carl 3, Donut 4, Quan Ch 5, Katia 8 as a 'Monster Truck Driver'; Elle off; the Popov brothers on. Zev appears in person, still in the suit — Hinter refused Borant the cores for the pocket system — to say Odette's contract now makes Katia exclusive, with a rider that she be more 'zippy'; Loita, Hekla's Bloom representative, may take their account; something has happened back home; and chats go public tomorrow for those who pay. 'I believe in you.'

Characters

• Carl — Collects seven hundred hats; sees the floor's shape; number three with a 400,000 bounty.
• Katia Grim — Level 37; a tattoo, Find Crawler, the bounty, the Gorgo belt; on the team for good.
• Princess Donut — Number four; wants a shopping montage; defends Mongo's personhood.
• Zev — In the suit for the foreseeable future; may lose the account to Loita; 'Something happened back at home.'
• Hekla — Her origin on the recap: a rib bone, a rat, the crossbow's box.
• Eva Sigrid — Chose first at selection and left Katia — the show confirms it.
• Li Jun and Zhang — Leading the thousand to station 36.
• Loita — A Bloom representative, formerly Hekla's, with a claim on the party.

Locations

• Station 75 — The interdiction depot: repair cars, an armoury, a hobgoblin shop, the Downward Dog.
• The Abyss — Hundreds trapped at the rim; the catwalks failing.
• The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — 'Don't track blood on the floors.'

Motifs

• Staying human — Seven hundred hats given freely; 'There is hope for us.'
• The leaderboard — Carl 3, Donut 4, Katia 8 — and the show's version of the kill.
• The show — A tribute to Hekla; chats to go public for a fee.
• Borant — Hinter refused the cores; a Bloom rep circling; trouble at home.