Chapter 22 of 74 · Book 6, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

Chapter 22 — Uzi Jesus

Book: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride · Part: Havana · Previous: Chapter 21 — The warlords' table · Next: Chapter 23 — The Molly Maguires · Floor: Floor 8 — The Ghosts of Earth · Series: the series

Opening

Donut gasped. “Hi, Juice Box!

Summary

Juice Box talks fast: Stalwart with an arrow in his eye ('Next time, I'll get your other eye'); Firas dead ('Poor kid'); her family has arrived in town — 'Thank you, Carl. I knew I could trust you' — but they are on his team and she cannot join it and still kill warlords; the castle landed in Luke's territory and zombified his friends; Carl's team is wedged between the blobs and the snakes, and the orcs and the blobs, working together, are massing on the border; his people are building a castle. 'I know what I am, and I know what you are […] I'm my own team.' Tagg: 'Nine teams. Eight, really. Plus the chaff.' Her price: a tenth team of NPCs with all the safeties and regeneration. Carl proposes it — 'And with full voting rights' — and the queue accepts. Luke will ask the high congress to evacuate. A hobgoblin pus detonator, ten seconds, a bat, and Green Jiggly explodes; then a blue magical arrow from nowhere sprouts in Stalwart's eye mid-rant. Rishi, the only one who never flinched: she always knows when they meet, she has helpers; a compromise — invulnerability and a reserve for unaffiliated NPCs in return for no more terror — and a threat: 'The sultanate is quite versed in dealing with terrorism.' 'I'm going to take a nap.' 'Probably would have been less decapitations.' Donut to Louis: 'DON'T EVER EAT POTATO CHIPS IN BED.' Southward: spiders show on the map now, Donut kills them by the dozen with Why Are You Hitting Yourself; Carl 65, Donut 57; the Scavenger's Daughter drained three times into melee; Hole in the Bag and Force Discard; the Bahamas book transcribed for Prepotente, who only corrects typos; the changelings loose in the guild area; Mordecai grumpy about his movie. The Desperado Club, middle floor: a dueling-piano entrance, Clarabelle not meeting eyes, a restaurant, a real casino, tuxedoed crocodilians including the guard who once called Astrid. At the back table: Katia, Bautista, Louis, Tran (legless, in a floating chair), Britney (half her face burned, level 55, an extinction sigil under her eye, talking to Tserendolgor about scars), Li Jun, Zhang, Li Na, Chris ('I'm solid') and Florin. Carl and Katia plot in chat: Astrid must die before this floor collapses (the ninth's only club is wrecked and Larracos closes); she is head of security and of the Naughty Boys Employment Agency (a 500,000-gold saferoom upgrade, not a hidden door); she boils blood with cardiovascular magic and does extra damage to Carl's goblin tattoo; the women's-bathroom passage; a side hall marked Bathrooms, Guilds and the Badger Bar; Katia's messy card-deck plan. Florin, squad full with six, gives away a unique he cannot control — it shot him in the stomach: HeyZoos, Uzi Jesus, level 140, origin Ecuador, undead ranged healer, 'I am the way, motherfucker', Blood into Lead, Resurrect Totem, Bullet Hell; flagged after Florin told a river-into-wine drunk that his dad wanted him to drink a healing potion. Ten versions exist; this is the armed one. Four of six. Then the silk road, and Donut's citrine Flawless Jeweler's Gem waiting for a jeweller (her hundreds of hats; Mongo's cowboy hat). 'We have to go rescue Samantha after this.' 'Don't remind me.'

Characters

• Juice Box — Her own team; a detonator and a bat; 'Tell Louis I send my love!'
• Carl — Proposes the tenth team; plans a murder in chat; laughs at a card.
• Princess Donut — Spider genocide as spell training; potato-chip advice; halibut sides.
• Katia Grim — 'You work on how we'll get to her, and I'll work on how we'll kill her.'
• Rishi — Unflinching; a compromise and a threat.
• Prince Stalwart — An arrow in the eye, twice.
• Epitome Tagg — 'You're not even real.'
• Luke — Will ask his people to leave.
• Florin — Six good'uns; gives Uzi Jesus away.
• Britney Proskurina — Scarred, level 55, an extinction sigil.
• Tran — Legless in a floating chair, not looking up.
• Louis and Firas — 'Great. Just great.'
• Chris — 'I'm solid.'
• Prepotente — Corrects the typos.
• Heyzoos — Uzi Jesus: unique, level 140, thinks he is the real deal.

Locations

• The production facility — A table emptied by a bomb and an arrow.
• The Desperado Club — The middle floor: restaurant, casino, the Badger Bar hallway.
• Havana — The main drag south; talking-bird mobs.

Motifs

• Faction Wars — A tenth team of NPCs on the queue; the Lemig Sortion wants out.
• The Dream — NPCs self-aware; regeneration until the games.
• The Blood Sultanate — Rishi's terrorism doctrine.
• The Guild of Suffering — Astrid, the Agency, the Badger Bar: a plan forming.
• T'Ghee totems — Four of six; a unique with ten versions; squads lock until full.
• The Scavenger's Daughter — Drained three times; heavier hits.
• The Butcher's Masquerade — Britney, Tran, Louis: three the sixth floor broke.
• Donut's hats — Hundreds of hats; a citrine she will not wear.
• The Bahamas book — Read aloud to a lonely goat by chat.