Chapter 22 of 35 · Book 3, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

Chapter 22 — The kebab plan

Book: The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook · Previous: Chapter 21 — Brynhild's Daughters · Next: Chapter 23 — Rush · Floor: Floor 4 — The Iron Tangle · Series: the series

Opening

“For a while, the horde of ghouls seemed to be stopped at station 75,” Hekla said as we wa

Summary

Katia forms herself onto the front of the Vermillion engine: a bulldozer scoop with a low comb, a rubber layer against the third rail nine inches away, a toggle-bolt of her own body through the broken windows (cushioned with yoga mats), and a forest of chest-high spikes — because in a tunnel this tight the debris has nowhere to go, so the plan is to kill it on the spikes and pull it into her inventory. Carl puts his hand on the plate and feels her heartbeat. In the cab: Eva driving, Hekla at the windshield, Donut and Carl, and Silfa, a fifty-year-old Wisteria Fairy Holistic Healer who hides at the ceiling and heals only at 25% until Carl shouts. The first three ghouls liquefy without a sound; Katia gets experience and a new inventory tab, 'Gross shit,' and a fan box for most new followers in thirty hours. Station 72 is a Blister Ghoul generator — soul-crystal-powered, one undead ghoul born for every mob that dies on the floor, on a floor where every mob is dying — 'an almost-perpetual engine.' Station 75 is the overrun hobgoblin interdiction depot. Armoured trolls bend the spikes; exploding fairies paint the scoop in rainbows; Hekla, grinning through gore: 'There are many wonders in a cow's head.'

Elle and Imani from station 48: enough Festering Ghouls together become a screaming, mouth-covered province boss the size of the room; Wrath Ghouls are massing at 36; the plan is to hold 36 with Meadow Lark and 'boom jugs.' Mistress Tiatha drinks and steals Elle's gold. Then the main horde: gore to the knees inside the cab, living heads and hands, Silfa gone, and Katia's health falling faster than any shock explains. Donut, through her goggles: Hekla shot Katia with invisible bolts, twice, into the scoop. Katia drops her mass into a puddle on the floor; Carl pulls two Dirty Little Phased Bolts from her shoulder — Temporary Amnesia and a bleed to 10%, then 1%, the death listed as another cause, no skull, 'wink, wink.' Crawlers surge toward the stopped train with five hundred red dots pressing them; Hekla comes out of Enraged looking surprised they survived; Eva has lost a hand. 'Donut, be cool.' 'You tried to kill Katia you fucking bitch!' — and a full-strength Magic Missile in Hekla's face.

Characters

• Katia Grim — The cowcatcher; 'Gross shit'; shot twice with phased bolts inside her own scoop.
• Hekla — Shoots Katia with invisible bolts; Enraged; 'many wonders in a cow's head.'
• Eva Sigrid — Drives; loses a hand; barely speaks.
• Princess Donut — Soaked in guts; the goggles see the bolts; fires on Hekla.
• Carl — Designs the scoop; burns through his heal scrolls; reads the bolt's description.
• Silfa — A healer who waits for 25% and then runs.
• Elle McGibbons — The province boss at 48; 'Stay frosty.'
• Imani — Wrath Ghouls massing at 36; asks for bombs.

Locations

• The Vermillion line — 72's Blister Ghoul generator; 75's overrun interdiction depot; the horde before 101.
• The stairwell rooms — A ghoul type per stairwell: Jikininki at 12, Wrath at 36, a province boss at 48, Blisters at 72.

Motifs

• The Rev-Up Vitamin Shots — The floor as a perpetual engine of withdrawal and ghouls.
• Carl's Doomsday Scenario — Soul crystals again — the generators run on them.
• The leaderboard — Phased bolts: a way to kill a crawler without a skull.
• Explosives — 'Boom jugs' requested for the stand at 36.