Chapter 72 of 78 · Book 5, The Butcher's Masquerade

Chapter 72 — Cat-nac the Magnificent

Book: The Butcher's Masquerade · Part: The Butchering · Previous: Chapter 71 — Jill · Next: Chapter 73 — Wonderwall, again · Floor: Floor 6 — The Hunting Grounds · Series: the series

Opening

<Note added by Crawler Carl, 25th edition>

Summary

Page ten: Louis reads the castle map — the 'HVAC ducts' circling the sixth-floor spa and dressing room are cat tunnels like the ones Jojo's cat-lady grandma had built, with Super Mario platforms at each floor, one leading into the third-floor security room; Katia will not turn into a slug; Imani says Samantha is not reliable; Carl maps a route; and 'I'LL DO IT! […] I WILL KILL YOU ALL. AND ALL THE ELVES. AND THEIR MOTHERS. ~ Psamathe' — 'NOBODY GOES TO THE BATHROOM THIS MUCH, CARL.' Ferdinand on Carl's shoulder, able to touch but untouchable, in a four-foot gold turban with a curling feather: 'Do not mock my royal hat!' The card: Sir Ferdinand, Familiar of Queen Imogen, Level 100 Province Boss; the elves execute tired-of pets and their whole species; the queen is fond of him 'the same way a surgeon is fond of their favorite scalpel or a mass murderer is fond of their favorite chainsaw'; a chicken-nugget brain, cat-sized hallways slipped into the castle without permission; 'They're soulless murderers. All of them.' Louis: a fat egg-laying goose; Elle: a mushroom penis, Horton's merch ('Cat-nac the Magnificent'). A Size-Up potion — a mob-fact potion, how Miriam Dom and Prepotente kill bosses — gives Katia his sheet: minion, stats 100, dexterity 125, charisma 75, con plus cha 175; the hat grants a level-10 lightning spell; invisibility, phase jump, a brutal claw. Donut's base charisma 138, doubled by the Apothecary tiara (thirty hours) to 276, over 300 with the toothpaste — Mistress Tiatha's rule: 100 over a province boss to charm one (country and floor bosses impossible). 'Carl, I don't think I can do this.' 'Remember how he tried to kill Mongo.' It works: his imperiousness erodes, he air-humps Carl's head ('you gotta prepare yourself for the tingle'), admits the queen sent him to watch Signet, who has a charm ability, and that he came to see the dinosaur; Donut promises a premiere. Meanwhile Eva and Vrah confer and hunters drift toward Lucia and her tequila; a bomb from the Twister rumbles; Gideon: 200 mounted elves out of the castle, a spotlight on the airship, a missed bomb. Samantha is in the tunnel and never memorised the map — Firas talks her through it. Then Ferdinand proposes to 'get a little more physical' and bounds off through the tunnels toward Ballroom A; 'I'LL KILL HIM.' 'No, you'll hide!' Theobold, dirt on his tuxedo, calls the talent show. Louis: the mantises have taken the Twister, the changelings turned to birds, the Sledge jumped — he is on the flat roof with the controller, Bonnie, Prudence and the cubs; changelings and mantises take two towers, two towers shoot at the roof, and the Sledge will crash the Twister into them 'like helicopter in game GTA'. 'DON'T CRASH THE TWISTER!' 'Do it.' Hunters ring Lucia; 'They're gonna try to get Lucia to break the seal'; 'Don't micromanage, Carl.' Cleiton of Team Flamengo tells a knock-knock joke. Donut is the headliner; no velociraptor hop; 'We survive. That's the finale, Donut.' Feather Fall in a prize box. Ferdinand skids in — 'Vodka! In a bowl!' — and D'Nadia: 'Jump into a singularity, Gravy Boat.' Samantha, above the security room: he passed her carrying his hat in his mouth, 'WHAT A DWEEB'; five elves; she gave the sleep-potion ball to Clay-ton because it made her clink. 'That was it. We were done.' 'NAH. WATCH THIS. HEY! NOT FAIR! […] THE GUARDS ARE ALREADY DEAD!' 'Ferdinand!' The queen is in the room. 'This room is now sealed.'

Characters

• Ferdinand — Carded: Level 100 Province Boss, familiar; the hat; charmed; leaves the queen's ballroom.
• Princess Donut — Charisma 276; charms a narcissist while he thinks he leads.
• Samantha — Found the notes; in the tunnels; finds the guards already dead.
• Louis and Firas — Reads the cat tunnels; loses the Twister.
• The Sledge — On the roof with the controller; offers to crash the airship, and Carl tells him to do it.
• Katia Grim — Reads the Size-Up sheet; guards Lucia.
• Gideon — Two hundred mounted elves; a spotlight.
• Queen Imogen — Appears; the room seals.
• Elle McGibbons — 'Cat-nac the Magnificent.'
• Lucia Mar — Tequila for everyone, ringed by hunters.
• Eva Sigrid — Conferring with Vrah, pointing at Signet and Lucia.
• Princess D'nadia — Sloshed; 'Jump into a singularity, Gravy Boat.'
• Cleiton — Humour from his homeland.
• Bonnie — Ballista gunner with Skarn.
• Prudence — Rescued after all.
• Theobold — Dirt on the tuxedo.

Locations

• The high elf castle — Cat tunnels; the roof; two towers taken; the security room.

Motifs

• The Butcher's Masquerade — The room seals with the host inside.
• The Twister — Taken by mantises; crashed into the towers.
• Charm — Tiatha's rule; a tiara and toothpaste.
• The hunters — Working to make Lucia break the seal.