Chapter 6 of 74 · Book 6, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

Chapter 6 — Monk seals

Book: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride · Part: Havana · Previous: Chapter 5 — Sister Ines · Next: Chapter 7 — Duendes · Floor: Floor 8 — The Ghosts of Earth · Series: the series

Opening

“I’ve never been a fan of pun-based naming conventions, Carl,” Donut said as the five of u

Summary

To the rocky beach with the three: Donut on pun-based naming ('I love that guy! Strippers are supposed to have names like that' — Anaconda, Damascus Steel, Dong Quixote, Gluteus Maxx); Mongo knocks Paz over like a turtle and Paz howls with laughter; 'Today is a new day' is rule number one and asking about one's past is rude — the sister reminds Carl of Miriam Dom. Classes: Poet Laureate, a bard healer of poems and prayers who needs a patron ('WHO WANTS TO LISTEN TO A FAKE CAT RECITE STUPID CHURCH POETRY'); Santero, a necromancer cleric who curls up and takes hits; Fugitive, a rogue 'good at finding traps and escaping tough situations' and more. Only the men worship Ogun — 'I cannot bring myself to worship a false god' — and the sister can see that Carl worships one. Flags must be held in the hand; a bolt-mounted flag is lost. The Bahamas book has no seal. Team Sister Ines's flag is an embroidered blob Carl takes for a ball and chain, maybe with a nun's habit on it. Yago, Monk Seal Picket Sentry, level 70, 'They're seals. And they're monks. Get it?', trained in Caribbean Kung Fu against the Red Maníseros Land Crabs, masters of Juego de maní — and a quest, The Chowder War: crabs who can only breed in the ocean versus seals whose holy waters are 'literally getting bukkaked to death'; choose a side; a Platinum Quest Box. Paz: the land crabs are real, the Bay of Pigs, spring, millions, squished on the roads; Juego de maní is a real Cuban fighting style; the rest is made up. The fight: Paz's Turtle, a 400-pound seal rearing on its tail with Bruce Lee noises, a body slam that shakes the beach and nearly breaks the shell, a Deflector shield against every bolt ('CARL, I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS REALLY RACIST'), a flipper to Carl's chin, a gauntlet to the seal's head, Paz's keg-headed mace, and the seal collapsing on Carl as its health blinks. Flag in the head — pling, blue smoke, a card: Uncommon Totem, Yago, level 70, sixty seconds' summoning, constitution 125, aquatic, melee, tank, Kung Fu Master, Body slam, Earthquake, Deflector; owned by Team Sister Ines until activated; empty squad slots fill automatically. Geraldo, the same level, is coming up the beach. 'So, you want to do it again?'

Characters

• Carl — Invisible, then a fist; a seal on top of him; the flag from his mouth.
• Princess Donut — Stripper names; 'THIS IS REALLY RACIST'; magic missiles against a Deflector.
• Sister Ines — A bard healer who buffs and afflicts; 'Today is a new day.'
• Paz Lo — Turtle, then a mace the size of a beer keg; a plantation father.
• Anton Lopez — Crackling bolts; always watching.
• Mongo — Sees himself in a breastplate.
• Yago — A kung-fu seal, flagged; a card.

Locations

• Havana — The rocky northern beach a quarter mile east of the park.

Motifs

• T'Ghee totems — The first totem: how a card reads, who owns it, and why a squad fills itself.
• The Chowder War — Seals versus land crabs; a quest written for laughs; a real fighting style.
• Earth mythology — Extinct seals, a migration in the wrong season, Caribbean Kung Fu.
• The gods — Ogun's rules and protection spells; a nun who will not worship.
• The show — Carl's fame is contagious; three loners now have eyes on them.