Chapter 51 of 78 · Book 5, The Butcher's Masquerade

Chapter 51 — The howdah

Book: The Butcher's Masquerade · Part: The Unhinged Child · Previous: Chapter 50 — Uncle Morty's Insta Lawn-Kill · Next: Chapter 52 — Gehenna Bramble · Floor: Floor 6 — The Hunting Grounds · Series: the series

Opening

As it turned out, my delivery system was unnecessarily over-engineered.

Summary

The trebuchet's Poison Cloud takes whatever potion is poured into its sling-cup: they had the method all along, which makes Carl wonder whether the quest was built to hand him a way to power-level. Donut spots from the top of a tree, Mongo and Kiwi beside her, thirty-odd raptors patrolling the woods; six shots to walk the rocks onto a monster only visible by the trees moving around it ('YOU MISSED BY A LOT'). B'sieging! — 'like trying to kill someone with a bomb. What a bitch move' — a Silver Siege Master Box. The poisoned rock kills it in seconds, and the credit goes to the spotter: Princess Donut, level 47, +5 strength (base 58). 'Forgot my ass.' Louis kills a level 173 from the Twister — thorns like ballista bolts through the garden; Elle: 'Most fun I've had.' Two Creepers sit in the hunters' training plains north of Zockau where no crawler can reach them, and the hunters may prefer to wait the quest out. Kiwi keeps veering east toward Big Tina and finally howls her pack away to guard the girl. Eva's team is mostly dead; she escaped again; her survivors abandoned her when she insisted on a second frontal attack. Twenty miles on, their next Creeper dies to someone else, the rain stops as if switched off, the view counters spike, and a hundred white dots close in: two level-50 Moon Sambhur stags, bone-white to the eyes, ridden by nameless level-70 High Elf Guards with glowing lances, and Simoom, a level-75 albino battle rhino with a curtained howdah — the Familiar of Queen Imogen, intangible, invulnerable — whose voice is a gruff New York lecher: 'Princess Donut. Mmmm.' The trees still speak to Imogen, 'despite her mongrel sister’s insistence that they do not.' Carl is on her programme du bal and must dance with her; the familiar has booked Donut. The elves will clear the Liana district only. 'Queen Imogen would like for me to pass on a message to your friend, Signet' — and a lightning bolt from the curtain at Mongo. Donut dives and takes it in the chest, ricochets into a tree that explodes; Kiwi bounces off the rhino's shield in flames; Mongo drops, steaming. Cockroach saves Donut; the elves laugh away and the rain returns. Engineered, Carl thinks — drama for the finale. Donut, trembling in his arms: 'It was him. They brought Ferdinand down here and changed his memory and turned him into a jerk.' The river roars.

Characters

• Princess Donut — Spots, gets the kill, takes a lightning bolt for Mongo, and sees Ferdinand.
• Carl — Learns the trebuchet's trick; holds Donut and listens to her heart.
• Mongo — Nearly killed by the queen's familiar.
• Kiwi — Sends her pack to Tina; burns on the rhino's shield.
• Queen Imogen — Has Carl on her dance card; her familiar speaks for her.
• Ferdinand — The familiar in the howdah: Donut's Ferdinand, remade.
• Louis and Firas — Louis's level-173 kill; 'I don't know if I can stomach that again.'
• Elle McGibbons — 'Most fun I've had.'
• Prepotente — Eight Creepers, moving north.
• Eva Sigrid — Abandoned by her own team; escaped again.

Locations

• The Selva — A clearing where the rain stops for a procession of white beasts.
• The high elf castle — 'Protected by a mysterious artifact', per the guards' card.

Motifs

• The vampire outbreak — Poisoned rocks; spotter's credit; the north-plains problem.
• The Butcher's Masquerade — A dance card; a message for Signet delivered as lightning.
• The high elves — Bush elves with money and moisturiser; Imogen's Liana district.
• Achievements — B'sieging!
• The river in Carl's head — Roars at the name Ferdinand.