Chapter 37 of 78 · Book 5, The Butcher's Masquerade
Chapter 37 — The rainbow bridge
Book: The Butcher's Masquerade · Part: The Unhinged Child · Previous: Chapter 36 — Swole · Next: Chapter 38 — Edict · Floor: Floor 6 — The Hunting Grounds · Series: the series
Opening
“Here it comes, here it comes!
Summary
The guild leaves to fight death monkeys; the recap is Donut versus Lucia Mar. Lucia in her skeletal demon form rips the dryad mayor in half; her rottweilers — pony-sized Cici and Gustavo 3, who barks lightning — eat what moves; she samples every pub and seeds each door with a Loop-de-Loop teleport trap ('Exploits that allow a crawler to trap and kill another crawler usually aren't patched'), then waits in a treehouse bar over both gates under a spell that blanks the map. 'Lunch.' 'Cici, do not swallow the cat whole like you did to that fairy lady. I wish to loot the puta's inventory.' Carl pops away (the show adds a cocktail and a bowl of strawberries to his panel seat) and Donut, diving for the closing door, is swapped into the square between the dogs. Dodge 11: a backflip off Cici's back, Wall of Fire, up a tree toward the treehouse; Lucia throws Samantha at her like a rocket; Samantha rolls through the pub door first and springs the second trap herself, landing snared between the dogs. Lucia swaps in front of Donut and they crash into the pub — not a saferoom — where Donut hits a snare, ninety seconds, and fires a full magic missile and then a Fireball into Lucia's chest, setting the treehouse alight ('Fireball is an outdoor spell, Donut'). Lucia, at half health, patting out flames: 'Cats like milk, right?' — talking to an empty spot, an Alexandro she calls her youth assistant, whom the show cuts out: 'The fight is over. It is a draw.' 'No points?' Her friends on the last floor, Bini and Abraham and Siti; she fell asleep and did not tell Gus to sleep; 'He's the bad one.' Slapping her own temple. Then the shadow crosses her face — 'Kill the kitty. Keep the head for yourself' — and Cici stalks in as the roof burns. Donut, mumbling, casts Entourage at last: five Donuts against the wall, one overlaid on herself, an invisibility potion, and Hole under her own feet as the jaws close — the spell removes the snare too. Cici sticks her head through the hole to bark; Donut snaps it off. 'The only bridge you’ll be crossing today is made out of rainbows.' Lucia, hugging the headless corpse in the collapsing pub: 'That cat killed the wrong one. What's going to happen now? […] Where's my milk?' — then, instantly the beautiful woman in a nimbus of flame: 'No more mercy. No more friends. They all must die.' Carl is pretty sure the bear crucified under 'Leche' was the bartender who fled her milk order, and that she killed every NPC in town after. Mordecai: youth assistants care for children too young for the dungeon, outside it; 'Kids shouldn't be in here.' The announcement: 66,000 crawlers, a hundred guilds, 'for a non-stigmergic species, you guys sure love your societal structures'; hunters hiding in Zockau; the seventh floor completely redesigned; seven days to make the top fifty, attendance at the Masquerade mandatory. Bomo returns with a small, shivering male mantis: 'We must talk quickly. She’s coming for me.'
Characters
- Princess Donut — Backflips, fireballs, snares, sings, and takes a rottweiler's head with Hole.
- Lucia Mar — Rips a mayor in half; orders milk; talks to Alexandro; loses Cici; 'They all must die.'
- Samantha — Thrown like a rocket; springs a trap on purpose; chewed by Gustavo.
- Mordecai — Loop-de-Loop, Rubber, youth assistants.
- Carl — Watches, and is sorry for the suggestions.
- Mongo — Growls at the screen.
- Edict — Arrives shivering at the door.
- The Sledge — Bomo brings him.
Locations
- Alucarda — A treehouse pub over both gates, burning; a map spell that hides dots.
Motifs
- The show — A cocktail added in post; Alexandro cut out; hunters falling as tomorrow's highlights.
- Safe rooms — Loop-de-Loop: a trap spell that swaps or sends, seeded on every door.
- The Butcher's Masquerade — Mandatory for the top fifty; seven days.
- The crawler count — 66,000; a hundred guilds.
- Lucia's voices — Points, a bridge, a papa, a youth assistant nobody else can see.