Chapter 28 of 74 · Book 6, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

Chapter 28 — Rude-Dolph

Book: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride · Part: Havana · Previous: Chapter 27 — Phase two rules · Next: Chapter 29 — Der Schachmeister · Floor: Floor 8 — The Ghosts of Earth · Series: the series

Opening

» Imani: She’s okay, but she has a nasty debuff.

Summary

Imani: Katia found a drug den 'set up like one of those frozen yogurt places', self-served something and is Bliss Surfing for ten more hours — reliving a memory, blitz sticks intensified; on waking a fifty per cent chance of strength or a loss of intelligence; Elle guarding her; and from Bautista's excuses, 'this isn't new'. Carl had told her where the dens were. 'IF YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY KATIA IS A CRACKHEAD, I WON'T BELIEVE IT […] KATIA IS NOT A CLICHÉ. I SIMPLY WON'T ALLOW IT.' 'Katia is the second toughest woman I know.' The Mock Battle Arena at 2,500 gold: an eighteen-card deck (six totems — Geraldo, Asojano, Skylar Spinach the splitter, Uzi Jesus, Raul, Shi Maria; six utility — two Time Extends, Stout, Blue Stuff, Greased Lightning, Combo; snares Hobble, Hole in the Bag, Damnation; mystics The Thief and Force Discard; one Flee), aiming for an 80% chance of a totem in the opening four. Donut picks a 1980s shopping mall 'just like in Stranger Things': Kay-Bee, Waldenbooks, an Orange Julius ('If you're not going to order anything, you gotta move'), cigarette smoke, a Santa line, teenagers giggling at the boxers, Samantha kicked like a soccer ball, Mongo praised as 'wicked awesome'. Opening hand: Greased Lightning, Stout, Shi Maria, Uzi Jesus — Carl wants both totems together. 'Body of Christ!' — a cross grows from the floor, Heyzoos nailed to it, gun in hand, shatters it, Texan accent, 75 seconds: 'What happened to the crocodile guy?' 'You shot him in the stomach.' 'I was going to heal him.' Samantha: 'I want to see his penis.' Then a laughing web-covered skull, a thousand spiders, harpsichord, 120 seconds — and Jesus empties his Uzi into the Bride's belly; she skewers him through the chest, bats the gun away ('We are on the same team'), asks for a heal totem, orders him to heal her; he dissolves. Totem killed. Eight gore-streaked reindeer rise in a V, an elf still hanging from one's entrails, and Rude-Dolph the Blood-Nosed Slay-Deer, level 100, Eastern United States legendary, spits out mall-Santa's head: a Puppet-Master, intangible until eight puppets die, a nose laser that shears a leg off Shi Maria and cuts Skylar Spinach in half — into Skylar, a bat-winged donkey head, and Spinach, a spike-flinging headless snake (Blitzen dusted). Greased Lightning on the spider: four illusions, web from her ass, a blur. Then the fifth eye opens — half the puppets go blind and mad and gore each other — and Carl, safe in a simulation, feels a line from that eye to the centre of his brain, drops to a knee: 'It’s the river […] It’s the river in my mind.' 'I'm fine,' I lied. Geraldo arrives to two karate moves as Shi Maria rips Rude-Dolph in two and eats the falling entrails like spaghetti. 'Yo, what the fuck?' 'I'm really happy we didn't have to fight her earlier.' 'Isn't she great?' Mongo's potion is urgent.

Characters

• Carl — Designs the deck; goes to a knee under a closed system's protection.
• Princess Donut — Runs the deck; refuses the cliché.
• Katia Grim — Bliss Surfing in a drug den; 'this isn't new.'
• Imani — Diagnoses from Bautista's excuses.
• Shi Maria — Kills her own healer, then the whole herd; opens the eye; illusions, madness, a herd eaten from the sky.
• Heyzoos — Nailed up, shot first, dissolved.
• Samantha — Kicked across a mall; 'Isn't she great?'
• Geraldo — Two karate moves and a question.
• Skylar Spinach — Split into a flying head and a spiked tail.
• Mongo — Unprotected outside the simulation.

Locations

• The Mock Battle Arena — A 1980s mall with interactive shoppers and a Santa line.

Motifs

• T'Ghee totems — Eighteen cards; intros; two headstrong totems fight each other.
• The river in Carl's head — 'It's the river in my mind' — through a fifth eye, in a simulation.
• Addiction — Katia's drug den; Bautista covering; Carl's dread at having pointed the way.
• The ghosts of Earth — Christmas 1980-something, cigarettes and Orange Julius.
• Secrets — 'I'm fine,' I lied.