Chapter 3 of 35 · Book 4, The Gate of the Feral Gods

Chapter 3 — A goose from the sky

Book: The Gate of the Feral Gods · Previous: Chapter 2 — The Wasteland through a telescope · Next: Chapter 4 — The Royal Chariot; Ifechi · Floor: Floor 5 — The Bubbles · Series: the series

Opening

“Okay, here’s what we gotta do,” I said after I finished my training.

Summary

The personal space's new upgrades: three food-synthesizer cabinets (a microwave-biscuit sandwich and a full-tummy buff that lasts all day) and the marketplace interface, an eBay in the wall bought on Donut's account for her Charisma discount, which does not open properly until the sixth floor, when the factions and tourists will buy every magical item crawlers sell — and use it on each other, and on the crawlers, on the ninth. Mordecai's aside: Larracos has real stores with NPC proprietors, and once the crawlers arrive everyone is kicked out of it and the fighting begins. Carl will not go near the interface with the Cookbook on him: Batbilge's twelfth-edition note says the marketplace values the book at fifty million gold, and Allister's says that was Batbilge's last entry. For Allister the book was a deck of T'Ghee cards.

Collecting the quadrant's crawlers: at the Spit and Swallow, two drunk level-22s, Firas M. the Hammersmith and Louis Santiago 2 the Pest Exterminator, making a changeling prostitute do Jessica Rabbit ('You gonna blow us up?'); Donut scatters their vodka and makes them say 'We'll be there, Carl.' The changeling spits at Katia — shapeshifters do not like each other. Six Helsinki car salesmen, all Archers because the loot only ever gave them bows, led by Langley, level 24, who are serious and already have the city-hall quest. A passing dromedarian explains the sky: Taranis strolls for twenty-two hours, chased by his red brother Hellik for eight, the storm four hours before dark, two hours of night; in eleven days the Red Equinox, when the last three days will be mostly dark and the storms twice as long. The dungeon's own clock and the Syndicate Standard day (thirty hours and change) disagree as usual.

Walking the three miles to the Bactrian town across a bowl floored in stone and wrecked aircraft: a grizzly-sized Male Thorny Devil, level 34, spikes and thick armour, which the Extinction Sigil makes hit harder — Magic Missile and a banger sphere work, the clockwork Mongos are eaten, a quarter-strength hob-lobber over the hill finishes it ('Sand and blood is a terrible combination'). Then a Gnomish Drop Bear, a twin-engine biplane with a rabid koala on its nose, lines up a bomb run through smoke that does not hide them; Puddle Jumper moves the party, a full-strength hob-lobber cripples an engine and the crew escape by balloon, and the two eggs dropped are Altitude-Based Deployment Devices, rusted shut: inside one, killed by the fall, is a Feral Goose, a level-45 Canada Goose Neighborhood Boss ('You are goddamn lucky this thing is dead'). Carl gets a Mob Morgue tab and the broken egg's dial mechanism, and the feeling of being on rails — a dead boss dropped as a clue. Eight more airships circle down; the party runs for Hump Town. The gnomes want them in the desert only in the heat, the dark or the storm. Katia has an interdiction cart's engine parts and an Earth Hobby potion's knowledge of engines: a dune buggy, and an anti-aircraft system.

Characters

• Carl — Will not use the marketplace with the book on him; 'We were being forced along a scripted path.'
• Princess Donut — Calls Louis and Firas 'chuckleheads', a word from the AI ('Another Elle term?', Katia asks); scatters the drunks' vodka; Puddle Jumper under a bomb run.
• Katia Grim — A 95% dromedarian; a half-shell; the engine parts and the hobby potion.
• Mordecai — The marketplace explained: sell on floors six to eight, before Larracos closes.
• Mongo — Howls when his clockwork copies are eaten.
• Louis and Firas — Two drunk level-22s at the Spit and Swallow, coasting.
• Langley — Leader of six Helsinki car salesmen, all Archers, level 24.

Locations

• The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — Food synthesizers; the marketplace screen by Mordecai's door.
• Hump Town — Spit and Swallow; a two-hour night; the gate open and unguarded.
• The bowl — Stone under an inch of sand; stepped ground; wrecks; three miles to the Bactrians.
• Larracos — Real stores; everyone kicked out when the crawlers arrive.
• The Wasteland — Over the desert by day; airships holding at a thousand feet.

Motifs

• The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook — Batbilge's warning about the marketplace, and his last entry; Allister's cards.
• The marketplace — Bought early; arms the factions' armies.
• The two suns — Taranis and Hellik; the Red Equinox in eleven days.
• The Dirigible Gnomes — A Drop Bear; eight airships in a holding pattern.
• The feral geese — A level-45 boss, delivered dead.
• Explosives — Quarter-strength hob-lobbers still too strong; a full one cripples a plane.
• Quests — Langley's group has the city-hall quest too.
• The mobs are victims — A changeling made to be Jessica Rabbit for two drunks.