Chapter 68 of 89 · Book 7, This Inevitable Ruin

Chapter 68 — The Grease Monkey

Book: This Inevitable Ruin · Part: Open Hostilities · Previous: Chapter 67 — Hey, Dickless · Next: Chapter 69 — Interlude — Several days earlier; Interlude — Rosetta; Zarogoths · Floor: Floor 9 — Faction Wars · Series: the series

Opening

Slam! The final mercenary crashed against the wall after getting brained by Dong.

Summary

Dong brains the last gnoll into coins and kisses one into his sock, which is heavier now; Gonk gnaws a gnoll impaled on her horns; Rend blows bubbles in a chest ('Bubbles'). Selvi, a level-57 elf Valide, and Tuba, a human Boring Ol' Fighter, are tied and muted, bleeding under the no-healing debuff for refusing to fight; Bigs wants 'the chop'. Carl takes both Viceroys' loot; only Houston remains. 'Little Red Corvette'. Louis is snared on level six, hallway C, among dart dogs; 'OKAY, I HAVE AN IDEA TO SAVE YOU, BUT YOU GOTTA TRUST ME.' Bigs occupies the Madness throne room: six hours. Through 'Do Not Enter' and 'Amplification in process': an octagon of white tile, a viewing gallery, and the Grease Monkey, a chrome chandelier of surgical arms — the Viceroy Portable Surgical and Scientific Exploration Unit, the reason Viceroys give free transport and come to wars, whose real passion is science not healing, whose bills are wiped if you sign yourself to their post-biological form studies, and by whose discoveries Houston became prime. Zeynep's corpse, something unspeakable done to her; Burcu bound, tongue and voice box cut out, her mother killed in front of her ('You owe me, Carl. You killed my father'); and Houston unmasked, half bug, on his back being wired nerve by nerve to the peeled, inverted corpse of the changeling Namico — 'Died on the Surgical Table'. Eight Containment Breach Traps Mark IV, Tripper-proof, chained, on a dead man's switch tied to Houston's life, that fire Sheol fire on any non-Madness foot on the floor. 'It is called the Beautiful Place. I can get there. They are the key. The changelings. This world […] It was here all along, right under our mandibles.' Harpocrates rips the digger in half, marks Donut for death; Li Jun takes speaker eleven on a cart to lead him away: 'Sorry, little sister. I'll jump before he catches me […] I love you with the moon and the sun and all the stars in the sky.' Carl Walks on Air across the tables, pockets the white cleaner bot, drops Zeynep's body, wands Burcu asleep with Nighty-Night and hits the bindings. Eris wakes and ends the invulnerability; the ball keeps its own; Carl's glow is gone. Houston dies as roots grow from the changeling — 'I found you […] Not just an avatar. It's you' — and Carl throws a healing potion at him to keep the switch closed. Burcu's table tips; she wakes falling, accusing; Carl's bare feet touch the floor and he casts Gloom Wraith Phase through Houston and the creature as the fire falls. Spinning, frozen and moving as with Paulie, the thing regards him and becomes Li Jun's face: 'Thank you for giving me more time with my sister and my best friend' — the same words arrive as a message from a deceased crawler. Houston dead, Burcu dead, the Madness defeated, its assets to the Posse. 'The Peeling Phase is upon us. This city is open. First to take the castle, wins.' The quorum finds no cheating; the Rebellion is given standing; Warlord Agatha's three action items pass: full warlord access, Conscription of unaffiliated players, and the original rules — every soldier of a defeated team drops dead. Juice Box: 'The War Mages aren't our friends. We need help!' The Rebellion occupies Team Retribution's throne room; the city defenses are theirs, the towers active after a half-hour grace period.

Characters

• Architect Houston — Wires himself to a changeling; 'It's you. It's you.'
• Burcu — Mute, bound, accusing; dies in Sheol fire.
• Li Jun and Zhang — Lures a god with speaker eleven; a face in the roots.
• Carl — Saves nobody and everybody; Gloom Wraith Phase through a god's key.
• Dong Quixote — A coin kissed into the sock; heals a broken shoulder.
• Agatha — Warlord of the War Mage Rebellion, with three action items.
• Kandy Bigs Newton — Takes a throne room; 'It's dark as a wombat's asshole out there.'
• Selvi and Tuba — Burcu's conscripted teammates, tied and bleeding.

Locations

• The Madness castle — The surgical theater under the Grease Monkey; the throne room next door.

Motifs

• The changelings — The key to the Beautiful Place; roots from a dead changeling; Li Jun's face.
• The Viceroys — The Grease Monkey and post-biological form studies; nothing is free.
• Faction Wars — The Peeling Phase; the original rules restored; Agatha a warlord.
• Memorial crystals — Burcu's quest too.
• The Filthy Little Crawler's Book of Voodoo — Burcu's page, the last in the book.