Chapter 30 of 35 · Book 4, The Gate of the Feral Gods

Chapter 30 — Get Orthrus

Book: The Gate of the Feral Gods · Previous: Chapter 29 — Where the Red God Glows · Next: Chapter 31 — Emberus, summoned · Floor: Floor 5 — The Bubbles · Series: the series

Opening

I now worship the goddess Kuraokami.

Summary

Sinjin's note from the 15th edition: worshipping a god (Kuraokami, sponsored by a bored Soother who treats it as worship of himself) means daily rules, unknown boons after five days, a turned back after one miss, a debuff after two, a fall from grace and a coin-flip smiting after three, and messages that will not stop; Azin's addendum: this was Sinjin's last entry, and a smiting made another man's blindness permanent. 'Stay the fuck away from gods.' Katia beats the Drop Bear's gummed radial engine into shape ('This one wasn't even attached'); Louis mends the house's net with the last of the duct tape; Donut finds Emberus due east by the heat shimmer through her goggles; Gwen and Tran drain the tomb fully. The biplane rolls off the edge of the Twister into the wind, drops, and flies: Carl's Biplane Pilot skill reaches 3, a gyroscope lock turns out to be an autopilot, and Donut's Torch stuck to the wing lights the cockpits. From above, Orthrus is a wolf puppy with mismatched ears and a lolling tongue at ten percent health; two Heal Critters at a flyby bring him to full, and the plane nearly clips a howling head. Beyond the rim: bubble wrap in every direction, half of it popped, sunk in an egg-carton floor a few hundred feet below the waterline. The Scroll of Meat Hooks from the third floor — a stench 'like the rancid remains of the bloated corpse of a leprotic muskox after it was repeatedly violated by a randy hyena', nine minutes at Donut's intelligence and nearly three kilometres at her charisma of 120 — trails the plane out of the bubble ('Entering the Lacuna'), and the puppy tips over the rim after them. Where the Red God Glows completes: 'For everybody who was involved in this quest who actually didn't do anything, shame on you […] Reward: You get a new quest!'

The Dumber of the Flunkies, a group quest adding bubble 18's crawlers: bring the dog to Emberus and both return to the Celestial Halls; fail and Emberus smites each of them in turn on any floor. 'Do you know not a single crawler in Bubble 18 has yet died? […] Let me think on this for a minute.' Then, to every living crawler on the floor: Get Orthrus — a million gold, five level-up potions and a pet monkey named Jimbo to whoever kills the puppy before he reaches grandpa, the party included. Katia and Elle threaten murder on anyone who fires an arrow. The plane makes almost four hundred kilometres an hour, and the puppy bounds happily through the Lacuna behind them, slipping off intact bubbles, piddling on a cactus world, batting at the smoke with a paw above a ravine of unpopped domes. Donut cannot turn the spell off. Then both heads yelp and his health plummets: a blue dot high above, circling back for the kill. Quan Ch. 'If someone has Quan Ch in their chat, tell him to back the fuck off.'

Characters

• Carl — Flies a biplane off a house; Biplane Pilot 3; leads a god's dog across the Lacuna.
• Princess Donut — Torch on the wing; Meat Hooks with no off switch; 'a giant, two-headed cocker spaniel.'
• Katia Grim — Fixes an engine with a wrench; threatens the whole floor.
• Louis and Firas — Fly the runway; land the house.
• Gwendolyn Duet — The drain left on.
• Orthrus — Out of the bubble, healed, chasing a smell; struck from above.
• Quan Ch — Circling back to kill a puppy for a million gold.
• Elle McGibbons — Promises to hunt anyone who fires.
• Tserendolgor — 'JESUS CHRIST YES.'

Locations

• The Lacuna — The egg-carton world between the bubbles; a cactus world and a half-moon of concrete.
• The Bubbles — Bubble 18 alive to the last crawler and melting; 331 drenched; 298's Sounder Tower down.

Motifs

• The gods — Sinjin on worship and smiting; the Celestial Halls.
• Quests — The Dumber of the Flunkies; Get Orthrus, a world quest with a monkey named Jimbo.
• The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook — Sinjin's and Azin's notes on gods.
• Orthrus — Adorable, fast, and worth a million gold dead.
• The Nightmare II — Its first real flight; an autopilot lock.
• The System AI — 'Let me think on this for a minute.'
• The leaderboard — Quan Ch, the highest level, hunting the reward.