Chapter 3 of 78 · Book 5, The Butcher's Masquerade

Chapter 3 — Quasar

Book: The Butcher's Masquerade · Part: The Hunt · Previous: Chapter 2 — Night weasels · Next: Chapter 4 — Golden Throat · Floor: Floor 6 — The Hunting Grounds · Series: the series

Opening

“I would like some time alone with my client,” my new attorney had said the moment he appe

Summary

The lawyer. Asking for one worked, though everything Carl has read says lawyers do not exist before the tenth floor: a four-and-a-half-foot gray alien, a Nullian — 'the Null' — in a tan suit with a gyrating hula-girl tie, a vape pen whose smoke pixelates (a hologram), and a rapid-fire New York mouth. Quasar, Advocate of Crawler #4,122. Orren will not leave his own office; he turns his chair and bounces a rubber ball off the wall with his receptors allegedly off. Quasar's briefing: the naked Valtay are the worst kind, liaisons are rats who manufacture impasses so they can 'take out their magic dick wands', and from now on Carl says nothing to one except 'I want to talk to my lawyer.' Quasar says Orren was trying to get Carl to pick the Gate up while it was under administrative hold, which would have deleted it. Quasar represents Carl alone — not the cat, not 'the weird lady who turned into a shovel' — for credits enough to keep him in receptor tugs; nobody hires nulls; on the tenth floor a crawler becomes a citizen and the Syndicate bends him over, 'I am the condom.' Nothing stops the Skull Empire bribing him except that Carl is already so screwed that doing nothing would suffice. Why a lawyer now: a sub-minister of the Native Species Agency has taken an interest; the universe's four lubricants are blood, tears, taxes and lawyers. The leverage is Carl's entertainment value — 'It's Remex the Grand all over again.' Carl will not sell the Gate. He wants collateral.

The collateral is the four cretins from the Desperado Club — Bomo, the Sledge, Clay-ton and Very Sullen — delivered to the personal space as free mercenaries for floors six through eight, a Mercenary Quarters door appearing beside Mordecai's. Bomo carries a level-15 Teleport to Stairwell spell (every exit on the floor, a twenty-five-day cooldown); the Sledge carries a spell the lawyer suggested, Zerzura — the spell Remex the Grand once used, studied in school for the carnage it led to and the exit deal it bought: 'You ask for this spell, and they'll fall over themselves to give it to you […] Everybody likes carnage when it's not them.' Katia is level 52 now, from flooding Larracos, with Steely Skin. Louis and Firas have recovered the flying house from the changelings; Katia will join Meadow Lark and Bautista's team a few hours south before the hunters are released, and stays in the party only until the guild system is understood. Carl buys the Advanced Bomber's Studio and a Magic Workshop; the Emberus shrine bubbles in the corner and takes its five per cent.

Characters

• Carl — Gets a lawyer, keeps the Gate's receipt, takes four rock monsters and two spells as collateral.
• Quasar — A Null in a hula-girl tie: Carl's advocate, 'the condom.'
• Orren — Turns his chair and bounces a ball; Quasar says he had tried to get the Gate deleted by touch.
• The Sledge — Bomo, the Sledge, Clay-ton and Very Sullen arrive as mercenaries; the Sledge holds Zerzura.
• Katia Grim — Level 52 with Steely Skin; going south to the other crawlers; 'Back up. What?'
• Princess Donut — Hums the A-Team theme for her Standing Ovation spell.
• Mordecai — Wants to wait for the guild system before most upgrades; agrees to buy the bomber's studio and the Magic Workshop now.
• Chris — Grunts at Clay-ton, who grunts back.
• Louis and Firas — Have recovered the Twister from the changeling refugees.

Locations

• The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — A Mercenary Quarters door, an Advanced Bomber's Studio, a Magic Workshop; a shrine that boils.
• Zockau — There are Desperado Club entrances there, Orren warns.

Motifs

• The lawsuits — Quasar: lawyers should not exist before the tenth floor; the four lubricants.
• The Gate of the Feral Gods — Not sold; lent, against collateral that regenerates only on the next floor.
• Zerzura — A spell from Remex the Grand's season, given because everyone wants the carnage.
• The Syndicate — A sub-minister of the Native Species Agency; the tenth floor makes a crawler a citizen.
• The Valtay Corporation — 'The naked ones are the worst.'
• The gods — The shrine's five per cent counts the top-ten survival gold as loot.
• The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook — Where Carl learned what a Null is.