Chapter 2 of 89 · Book 7, This Inevitable Ruin

Chapter 2 — Hosers and achievements

Book: This Inevitable Ruin · Part: The Ceasefire · Previous: Chapter 1 — Porthus; Welcome to Faction Wars · Next: Chapter 3 — The Tiara of a Thousand Lights · Floor: Floor 9 — Faction Wars · Series: the series

Opening

“I am absolutely not wearing this.

Summary

In the saferoom, Donut refuses the ghillie suit — 'like one of Signet's tattoo people fell through a paper shredder' — and inspects the boonie hat's Targeting skill; suit and hat together would let her snipe from over a mile. Carl has the Gate back from the mailbox. Mordecai comes out of the crafting room in a snowsuit, glasses and a raccoon hat: a human this floor, a Canadian, level 50, 'Manager of Princess Donut', with an alchemy table upgraded high enough that he can now read a potion's recipe off the potion. He explains the three ways the ceasefire can end early — a unanimous vote, a warlord withdrawing (impossible; the AI denies every request, and the Cosmic Lounge's transfer to the eighteenth is closed to anyone tied to a team), or every team marking itself Ready — and wants to plan before Donut wears Quan's cloak or reads any spellbook. The potions the vinegar goddess touched have become something else: a Heal Pet is now Revitalize Pet, purple and glittering, which will grow Mongo's lost wing back in an hour, his burns already healed; a mana refill is Mana Blessing. Carl opens more than fifty achievements: Lord of the Flies for the teleport traps Ren's team set off; Demons Hate This One Trick (pea soup forever) for Samantha's beach; Chickenshit Exploit and a Platinum Tserendolgor Box for teleporting totems into Quan and Ren's fight — 'Great job, cheater'; Celestial Loot and a Loot Punch Card for picking up Quan's cloak ('four more times, and something really cool happens'); Used Pet, an unhinged ramble about shelter dogs and Toto's salary, for a pet Carl has not actually adopted yet; 'Uh oh. It talks', for looting Jefferson the nickel sock, a sapient weapon of the kind only two crawlers in the top fifty use, with earplugs; Touched by a Demon, the only one ever handed out, with a cassette of Holy Diver and a Celestial Heavy Metal Box; Crab Chowder; and Unbirthing, in the AI's throaty voice, for the teleport into Samantha's neck — 'You glistened. Oh, yes […] You are in fucking trouble.' Carl notes that two achievements changing the food boxes is not likely a coincidence. Emberus's quest updates: Amayon wants his three brothers dead for what he knows about the god's son; there is a truce between gods and demons; Carl is to go to the Temple of Issitoq in a Club Vanquisher and get the High Cleric of the Watch's permission for Emberus to break it, and still needs the Apito soul crystal. 'You are doing well, martyr.'

Characters

• Mordecai — A Canadian human, level 50, in a snowsuit; reads recipes off potions now.
• Princess Donut — Against tassels; a Flak spellbook from the floor prize.
• Carl — Fifty boxes; 'Great job, cheater'; the AI liked the unbirthing too much.
• Mongo — A missing wing and a potion that will regrow it.
• Emberus — A quest for permission to break the truce with the demons.
• The System AI — Rambling about Janet Dominguez's dog; groaning; 'You are in fucking trouble.'

Locations

• Larracos — A saferoom around the corner from the alley.

Motifs

• Achievements — Lord of the Flies, Chickenshit Exploit, Used Pet, Uh oh. It talks, Unbirthing.
• The gods — A truce between the gods and the demons that Emberus would break for Geyrun.
• Amayon — His price, relayed: three brothers.
• Faction Wars — The three ways a ceasefire shortens.