Character · Book 7, This Inevitable Ruin

Princess Donut

GC, BWR, NW Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk — Bea's tortoiseshell Persian show cat, carried into the dungeon under Carl's arm. An Enhanced Pet Biscuit makes her sapient, a tiara makes her royalty, a charisma score in the forties makes her a talker of goblins and a natural on television. Crawler #4,119. Carl is, per the system, her Royal Bodyguard.

Segment appearances

• Chapter 1 — Porthus; Welcome to Faction Wars
• Chapter 2 — Hosers and achievements
• Chapter 3 — The Tiara of a Thousand Lights
• Chapter 4 — Gloom Wraith Phase
• Chapter 5 — Dante; Sir Rendlegore
• Chapter 6 — Party Planner
• Chapter 7 — Donut Holes; the Semeru dwarf
• Chapter 8 — Larracos, City of Dreams
• Chapter 9 — Juice Box's war room
• Chapter 10 — Hamed's club; the small wedding
• Chapter 11 — Tipid; fifty thousand
• Chapter 12 — The base camp; Tina
• Chapter 13 — The FUPA; a suicide bomber
• Chapter 14 — The flag room and the Ramp-Up
• Chapter 15 — The Rolling Battle Formation Ball
• Chapter 16 — Everly; Glory Bound
• Chapter 17 — Eleven hours
• Chapter 18 — The minor quorum; code red
• Chapter 20 — Christmas Morning; the Ramp-Up
• Chapter 21 — The southern trenches; rot stickers
• Chapter 22 — Colonel Boomer
• Chapter 23 — Killing in the Name
• Chapter 24 — No Man's Land
• Chapter 25 — Empress, you have visitors
• Chapter 26 — Milk; the Empress marked
• Chapter 27 — Gavrilo Princip
• Chapter 28 — Toyotomi; Agatha is looking for Carl
• Chapter 29 — The Bamboozle
• Chapter 30 — Comrades
• Chapter 31 — Drop troopers; Tripper
• Chapter 32 — King Rust arrives
• Chapter 33 — Parlay
• Chapter 34 — The king's message; Rosetta's whip
• Chapter 35 — Volteeg; the dwarves' tunnel
• Chapter 36 — Orren's zero zone
• Chapter 38 — Relationship advice
• Chapter 39 — Alliances break; Operation Snake Pit
• Chapter 40 — Little Günter; a dragon chain
• Chapter 41 — The production facility; Aryl goes dark
• Chapter 42 — The warlord council; Princess Vinata
• Chapter 43 — Odette hosts; 'It's coming'
• Chapter 44 — The Beautiful Place; Blood Hunter
• Chapter 45 — Prepotente's rant
• Chapter 46 — Operation Snake Pit: the line of succession
• Chapter 47 — Tattoos, and a flower offered
• Chapter 48 — Colonel Prepotente
• Chapter 49 — Bijou, Theia and Khepri
• Chapter 50 — The Temple of the Dagda
• Chapter 51 — Dark Purpose
• Chapter 52 — The Temple of Khepri
• Chapter 53 — Super Heavyweight Temple Battle Grudge Match Extravaganza
• Chapter 54 — The Waffle Maker; Hellik's message
• Chapter 55 — Head Banger; Milk
• Chapter 56 — Justice Light; the Nest
• Chapter 57 — Thirty-two boxes; the last prisoner
• Chapter 58 — Sultan Rishi the Usurper
• Chapter 59 — Operation Ruin
• Chapter 60 — Meatus; the King's Point erupts
• Chapter 61 — The War Mage Rebellion
• Chapter 62 — A non-team entity
• Chapter 63 — Into the Madness
• Chapter 64 — The crystal shows itself
• Chapter 65 — Bear Witness
• Chapter 66 — Rolling Battle Formation
• Chapter 67 — Hey, Dickless
• Chapter 68 — The Grease Monkey
• Chapter 69 — Interlude — Several days earlier; Interlude — Rosetta; Zarogoths
• Chapter 70 — City of Broken Dreams
• Chapter 71 — Donkey Kong
• Chapter 72 — Diah
• Chapter 73 — An act of fiendish cruelty
• Chapter 74 — Bijanbi
• Chapter 75 — Stayfast Ink
• Chapter 76 — The Oak Fell
• Chapter 77 — Not yet
• Chapter 78 — The Scavenger's daughter is with us now
• Chapter 79 — Tart
• Chapter 80 — Inside the dragon
• Chapter 81 — Executive Order 11905
• Chapter 82 — Ursensus
• Chapter 83 — Psamathe confesses
• Chapter 84 — And then there were two
• Chapter 85 — Zerzura
• Chapter 86 — We just need to kill you
• Chapter 87 — The Nothing has been broken
• Epilogue — Epilogue: Don't Come in Last

Arc

Deathbed Hellcat

She picks a sniper class as the floor opens, accepts a truce before Carl can discuss it, and names the alliance The Good Guys (ch. 1). A crest company sends her the Tiara of a Thousand Lights and she spends the floor filling its jewels with drained hats (ch. 3, ch. 40); the Cloak of the Benevolent Champion, worn as a shawl, raises her constitution from four to 193 by a charisma cheat (ch. 3). She meets Rend and calls him the other woman (ch. 5), marries Louis off to a changeling with 'SAY IT TWICE' (ch. 9), out-negotiates Ferdinand for Shanty Town (ch. 10), and learns from a 1914 box that a spell called War Crime bleeds and cries (ch. 29).

Warlord, and the edge

She runs the castle's defence from the front door with a headset — 'Comrades! […] Tina! Sic 'em!' (ch. 30) — and meets a king on a rhinoceros in a howdah (ch. 33). She tells Carl to throw the ring away (ch. 27), asks him in chat to step back from D'Nadia (ch. 26), and begs him aloud to give the second ring to Li Na (ch. 57). She gives a bored AI relationship advice without knowing whom she is talking to and watches a desk crack (ch. 38). In the Nest, in a ghillie suit with her face pressed to the shield, she goes from level 65 to 74 in hours whispering 'Mommy is killing bad guys' (ch. 73).

Three atrocities

When a goddess freezes eighty thousand people in a pile beside a god fight she turns them into one rolling ball and drives it home (ch. 66); she plays Lil Wayne at Harpocrates over a PA (ch. 67); she rips a corpse field into fleshers (ch. 69); she consents to a tattoo on her flank on condition of a matching one for Carl (ch. 74), and casts War Crime with Bijanbi and Astral Paw, then swings the paw herself, dozens of times, until the screaming stops, while Carl vomits over the parapet (ch. 76). The Oak Fell, Champion of Nekhebit, level 135, deity spells, Muscle Mommy: 'the most powerful crawler in the history of this game', says Mordecai. Nobody remembers the ball. 'It's okay to cry.' 'Not yet' (ch. 77).

The classics

She renames herself EPITOME TAGG'S SEXY MOTHER to keep a warlord too angry to shut Louis's heart down (ch. 84), swallows the Ring of Divine Suffering (ch. 85), and, in Katia's celestial knee pads with Katia's crossbow on a scorpion mount from the Apothecary, stalks Huanxin Jinx in a circle of words of power — 'We don't need to kill the gods and goddesses to win […] We just need to kill you' — and fires Mordecai's mother's ashes between her eyes (ch. 86). She keeps Annie's card (ch. 87). 'They are not going to break me. No matter how hard they try' (ch. 87). Her lawyer at the tenth is Princess Chandra, and the meeting had fireworks (epilogue).