Chapter 1 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 1 — Chandra; the garage

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Next: Chapter 2 — The wheel; a food truck · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“Hello, Donut,” Princess Chandra, Esquire, said.

Summary

The Chandra interlude: aboard the Ventilator, a damaged Naga battle cruiser, Princess Chandra, Esquire — a lawyer, Rishi's second wife, newly a princess because her uncle of the Gilt Party took the throne in a coup — meets Donut in a type-A containment zone as her assigned attorney. Her plan is already half done: she invoked Widow's Rights and married Carl in Naga court; as his wife and signatory she rerouted the royalties, seized the Princess Posse's accounts and the Faction Wars prize money, had Donut — whose species is not a recognised legal entity — put under a conservatorship with Carl as guardian and herself as Donut's lawyer, filed a will, and is squeezing the Donut Holes (the second fan group, whose Princess Palette makeup kit is the best-selling crawler merch ever) for 38% of their profits, with two Taurin associates already sent to eliminate Quasar. She wants out of the Naga system and into the centre. Donut reads every page without a word and answers that Carl's father's papers from the eighth floor were the same kind of documents, invalid now: 'What a sad little snake you are. I pity you.' Then, standing on the papers, she tells the watching reporters she is not offering fifty million credits to anyone who turns the snake inside out; Chandra's Taurins message her that they want her coordinates.

Then the tenth floor: Carl lands in a checkered-floor garage still covered in Faction Wars gore — rank 3, a Platinum Venison Box, 5,501 crawlers remaining (75% took deals), the level timer suspended pending 'the announcement from that inebriated fish', and a heat starting in five minutes with safe rooms blocked until it ends. Justice Light's last message sits in the chat, flagged 'from a deceased mercenary'; Rosetta and Tipid are in a safe room as hired mercenaries. Quasar's news: the Nothing is 'broken', the twelfth and eighteenth floors are in chaos, the AI will not let the outworlders there die or eject, the awake Scolopendra has done nothing but move, forgotten gods and old quest demons are loose inside the club inside the boss, and the cameras went dark. Donut, party leader again and back at number one, picks a class tied to her deity titles — Assassin of Sekhmet — and gets a nasty message from Khepri about a 'DEATH CULT' in her name. Two gremlins, Hedy the mechanic and Waldrip Chris the animal trainer, apply for the garage manager's job by beating each other bloody while explaining the rules: pet spells and repair scrolls do not work on the arena's proprietary vehicles, and a biological mount might eat Mongo. Donut chooses mechanical and Hedy; Waldrip Chris explodes.

Characters

• Princess Chandra — Rishi's second wife, a princess by coup; invoked Widow's Rights and married Carl in Naga court; wants 38% of the Donut Holes.
• Princess Donut — Reads every page of the interlude without a word; 'What a sad little snake you are'; picks Assassin of Sekhmet; chooses Hedy.
• Carl — Lands in the garage in Faction Wars gore, rank 3, 5,501 crawlers left; a fan box and a heat in five minutes.
• Quasar — The Nothing is 'broken'; the twelfth and eighteenth in chaos; two Taurins already sent to kill him.
• Mordecai — Rosetta and Tipid, in the safe room, have been converted to hired mercenaries.
• Hedy — Gremlin mechanic who wins the garage job by beating Waldrip Chris bloody.
• Justice Light — His last message, flagged 'from a deceased mercenary'.
• Rosetta Thagra — 'We are not far behind' — a hired mercenary in a safe room.
• Tipid — Hired with Rosetta.
• Khepri — A nasty message about a 'DEATH CULT' in Donut's name.
• Scolopendra — Awake, and has done nothing but move; forgotten gods loose in the club inside her.

Locations

• The Ventilator — Chandra's damaged Naga battle cruiser, fresh from a coup.
• The garage and the cul-de-sac — The checkered-floor garage Carl lands in; safe rooms blocked until the heat ends.
• The Nothing — 'Broken', per Quasar.

Motifs

• The tenth floor — Don't Come in Last begins; the level timer suspended pending 'the announcement from that inebriated fish'.
• The Princess Posse — Its accounts seized by Chandra; the Donut Holes hold the open sponsorship slot.
• The crawler count — 5,501 remaining; 75% took deals.
• Race and class — A class tab tied to deity titles: Assassin of Sekhmet.
• The chat — Justice Light's last message still sits there; the party checks in.
• The show — 933 septillion views; the cameras on the eighteenth went dark.