Chapter 3 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 3 — Heat one; Prepotente's warning

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 2 — The wheel; a food truck · Next: Chapter 4 — Miss Talulah; Team Free Love · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

There was a loud horn, presumably indicating the start of the race, and a device on the da

Summary

The Navitron 1000 on the dash, in a female voice Carl half-recognises, reads the heat: 53 kilometres of flat paved road through the Caves of the Screeching Death Manatees, six hours, 'Just get to the finish line', and a navigator listed under Donut's full new title — the Champion of Nekhebit, Harbinger of Doom, Assassin of the Great and Feral Sekhmet, She Who Is Foretold to Bring the Gnashing of the Teeth, 'Known as the Oak Fell to Those Who Dare Utter Her Name'; real-time ranking costs an upgrade. The headlights do not work; Donut's Torch does. Ahead in the dark: a roofless muscle car with two tall shapes, a loping bear, a skittering bug, a minivan, something that jumps over the truck ('Dog'), and, motionless at the start line, a tumbleweed as tall as the truck with a Lisa Frank unicorn's head sticking out of it and a pink rodent riding the head. The minimap is disabled while moving; the truck tops out at seventy. Mongo comes out as Donut's seat and pukes on the dashboard. Carl, with dozens of boxes unopened, a fan box, a god quest coming to a head, war mages, 'an Agatha problem' and Lucia's hundred thousand children unaccounted for, finds an absurd calm in a danger that is only his and Donut's — and knows it is false: 'Slam, slam, slam'; Donut has wiped her paw on something every few minutes. Prepotente's warning to the chat: do not kill or stop any opponent, help stragglers — the pool for each heat is fixed, so if two teams fall the next heat is filled from other groups, and by the end crawlers will race crawlers. Everyone in this first heat is an NPC. Prepotente went biological (with Jurgen, somehow); Zhang and Li Na too; Elle, Imani, Chris (who left Li Na's party), Louis, Britney and Bautista mechanical; Florin is with Lucia, who did not take a deal. Zhang starts to say Li Na 'already—' as the cave mouth shows the minivan on its side and burning, a bugbear crawling clear, and a house-sized manatee dragging a bus-sized ladybug off the road; the burning rider explodes like Waldrip Chris.

Characters

• Carl — An absurd calm in a danger only his and Donut's, and knows it is false.
• Princess Donut — Named navigator under her full new title; her Torch is the headlights.
• Mongo — Comes out as Donut's seat and pukes on the dash.
• Prepotente — Warns the chat: kill no one, help stragglers, or crawlers will race crawlers; went biological.
• Elle McGibbons — Mechanical.
• Imani — Mechanical.
• Li Jun and Zhang — Zhang went biological with Li Na; starts to say she 'already—'.
• Li Na — Biological, with Zhang.
• Chris — Left Li Na's party; mechanical.
• Louis and Firas — Mechanical.
• Britney Proskurina — Mechanical.
• Daniel Bautista — Mechanical.
• Florin — With Lucia, who did not take a deal.
• Lucia Mar — Did not take a deal; rides with Florin.
• Jurgen — Somehow biological with Prepotente.

Locations

• The Caves of the Screeching Death Manatees — 53 km of flat paved road in the dark; a minivan burning at the cave mouth.

Motifs

• The tenth floor — Heat one: six hours, 'Just get to the finish line'; the minimap dies while moving.
• The Oak Fell — 'Known as the Oak Fell to Those Who Dare Utter Her Name' on the dash.
• The chat — Prepotente's warning; the party's vehicle choices.
• Dr. Metcalf (the Navitron 1000) — The Navitron 1000, a female voice Carl half-recognises; ranking costs an upgrade.
• 'You're not going to break me' — 'Slam, slam, slam' — the calm is false.
• The Big Shot Chicken truck — Tops out at seventy; headlights dead.