Chapter 9 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 9 — Radiant claws; the crupper's rant

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 8 — Hats; the Danforth; the godslayer box · Next: Chapter 10 — Carl's boxes; Rishi's junk · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

Donut fell hard to the floor with a yelp.

Summary

A celestial boon, permanent and bodily: the four front claws of Donut's right paw glow LED blue, sharp enough to cut anything in the mortal realm and ghosts too, and cannot be turned off. Her terrors are the litter box, Carl's shoulder, and biscuits; Rosetta buys red claw caps at the little-used shop interface on the wall, which mute the glow to purple and can be armed from the inventory. Her Claw skill is 17 — 'I thought it topped out at 15!' — and Mordecai: 'It’s from the gods, and when it comes to gods, all bets are off'; with her buffed constitution she is one of the most powerful melee fighters in the game's history, or can cut almost anything with Astral Paw, though 'the game has a way of compensating for overpowered crawlers on the tenth floor and beyond.' The Default Winner spell book is Ice Slick, an Elle spell, special edition. The old Fae-Scale crupper from the goblin-baby incident comes off (the licking-dog tattoo pauses, exposed) and the Crupper of the Benevolent Champion goes on: a matched-set achievement — find the third piece and the fourth is awarded — and a description that stops her cold. The AI: 'Let’s talk about what a hero is.' The item was earned by one of the most brutal kills in the game's history; among the dead was Sanderson Pinkstaff, a gnoll quartermaster from the Recalcitrant who sent every credit home to keep his pack's habitat oxygenated, the attack's last survivor; his children will not call her a hero; her paw was forced — 'I am just like you in that tower, committing atrocities because you have no other choice'; 'I like this. It brings me joy. That can’t be right'; the mantids peeled it into consciousness without knowing from where, and 'it’s heroes and villains all the way down'; and 'there might be something to that new Oak Fell title of yours'. The set buffs constitution another 20%, raises Find Weakened to 10, and lets one cloak-raised spell go to 16 — Puddle Jumper, which Mordecai cannot even describe at that level. It is the first such rant on one of Donut's items. 'Carl, it’s your turn.'

Characters

• Carl — Hears the first AI rant on one of Donut's items.
• Princess Donut — Radiant claws, Claw 17, one of the strongest melee fighters in the game's history; Ice Slick; Puddle Jumper to 16.
• Mordecai — 'When it comes to gods, all bets are off'; cannot describe Puddle Jumper at 16.
• Rosetta Thagra — Buys red claw caps at the wall shop.
• Elle McGibbons — Ice Slick is her spell.
• The System AI — 'Let’s talk about what a hero is'; Sanderson Pinkstaff; 'heroes and villains all the way down'.

Locations

• Safe rooms — The crupper goes on.

Motifs

• The gods — Celestial boons are permanent and bodily.
• The Cloak of the Benevolent Champion — The matched set: +20% constitution, Find Weakened 10, one spell to 16; find the third piece and the fourth is awarded.
• Atrocities — 'I am just like you in that tower, committing atrocities because you have no other choice.'
• The Oak Fell — 'There might be something to that new Oak Fell title of yours.'
• The mobs are victims — A gnoll quartermaster who kept his pack's habitat oxygenated.