Chapter 10 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 10 — Carl's boxes; Rishi's junk

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 9 — Radiant claws; the crupper's rant · Next: Chapter 11 — The second cleaner bot · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

I had dozens of achievements and boxes to go over, most of them from the action at the ver

Summary

The cleaner bot disintegrates the broken table with a ray Carl has never seen. Carl's achievements are smaller than Donut's — the warlord's role was the ninth floor's — but they talk: Bombs Away! ('It’s always fun when we truly discover what someone’s weakness is'), for dumping every bomb in his inventory when Lucia went for Donut, which leaves him only the Doomsday Scenario bomb and the tactical nuke still on a robot dog, and Samantha's nuke still up her neck hole; Default Winner! (Wyndham Halswelle, Óscar Pereiro, Suzette Charles, Montell Griffin — 'we’re setting up something even bigger and potentially more tragic, so it’ll all even out in the end'), a Bronze Vanessa Williams Box that makes him think of Juice Box, who went somewhere with Justice Light; Wastrel, for feeding Frank Q's ring to a cat, 'Reward: Fuck off'; and Come to Daddy, for refusing the deal — 'You like me. You didn’t leave me the first chance you got […] Good boy' — which Donut did not get. Tipid in the training-room doorway, no recognition. The boxes: spray paint, five Bomb Blanket potions, dynamite and hob-lobbers again, Trollish Boom Boxes (shoeboxes on a stick), a Hotlist Expansion potion (ten to twenty spaces, as conscripted Lucia had), and a pink quadruped baby carrier that lets Donut Phase or Ooze with him ('a milk-soaked toddler with snotty Cheerios'). Then the legendary fan box from the Naga viewers who watched him execute Rishi, a cobra head to the ceiling: not the marriage certificate but Rishi's household, dumped — wet, scorched garbage to the ceiling, a melted GreaserBall participation trophy ('Rishi came in 8th place, but he removed the part of the plaque that said what his place was'), a microwave with a bullet hole and blood, and 'there might be a useful thing or two. You’ll have to find it yourself.' Bigs wants to keep it; Samantha dives in for makeup and surfaces with the Princess Palette — unlicensed, with colours called A Night Out with Mongo and The Butcher's Mascara. 'What the hell am I supposed to do with all this?'

Characters

• Carl — Bombs Away!, Default Winner!, Wastrel ('Fuck off'), Come to Daddy ('Good boy'); a pink baby carrier for Donut.
• Princess Donut — Did not get Come to Daddy.
• Mordecai — Sorts the pile.
• Samantha — Dives into Rishi's garbage for makeup: the Princess Palette.
• Kandy Bigs Newton — Wants to keep the junk.
• Tipid — In the doorway, no recognition.
• Rishi — His household dumped from a cobra-headed fan box: a melted GreaserBall trophy, a bloody microwave.
• Juice Box — The Vanessa Williams box makes Carl think of her.
• Justice Light — Went somewhere with Juice Box.
• Lucia Mar — Had an expanded hotlist when conscripted.
• The System AI — 'We’re setting up something even bigger and potentially more tragic.'

Locations

• Safe rooms — Garbage to the ceiling.

Motifs

• Achievements — Bombs Away!, Default Winner!, Wastrel, Come to Daddy.
• Loot boxes — A Hotlist Expansion potion; Bomb Blanket potions; Trollish Boom Boxes.
• Explosives — Only the Doomsday Scenario and the nuke on a robot dog remain.
• Rishi's junk — The Naga viewers' legendary fan box: Rishi's household, scorched and wet, 'a useful thing or two'.
• The Princess Posse — The unlicensed Princess Palette: A Night Out with Mongo, The Butcher's Mascara.