Chapter 21 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 21 — The joey skin; into the pouch

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 20 — Prison Pocket and Party Foul · Next: Chapter 22 — Last place; the princess throne · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

Chiyome: We are implementing your plan.

Summary

'We will avenge Ito’s death!' NPCs, unlike mobs, can loot inventory in some cases (Dong keeps his lance in his). Nico stays up the hill with the pig, soaked and squealing in the hail, arguing with Dario; Rapture proposes an alliance 'instead of us killing you next race […] you loser bitchmeat weaklings'. Prison Pocket, in an offensively fake Australian accent: 'Come here, little babies. Let me put you in my warm, safe pouch.' Carl and Donut read four Emergency Gremlin scrolls apiece for bait — eight gremlins with toolboxes (goggles, one eye, a hook), 'What’re we fixing, boss?' 'Sorry, guys' — and the boss stuffs two into the pouch with a sound like a fist into oatmeal; one flees and is splattered by hail. The plan: the womantaurs' wrist harpoons fetch a dead joey; Donut's missiles are healed by every gremlin eaten; Run, Little Günter, Run — Pontiff's mallet stores its blow in the lederhosen kid, who runs between Genesis's legs as she fires… into the engineer's face, killing him ('a grappling hook to the goddamned face'; Niels, level 35 Mechanical Engineer, weapons specialty, 'two of two available engineers during this heat. Neither were claimed'). Günter arrives and the kangaroo flips onto his back. 'And let you get the engineer? I don’t think so.' Carl peels the caustic Enchanted Juvenile Macropus Dominus Skin off the corpse — 'I’d fuck me so hard, mate'; protection from seeping acid, Jump 10, +5 Lotion Application, twelve hours — and wears it: boxers outside, pedicure negated, and 'Let’s see you do this when you can’t walk. You want to be a kangaroo so bad? Then I guess you gotta act like one.' Party Foul dies across the road; Dwight rockets off. Carl hops, is snatched face-first into the pouch ('Don’t tickle Papa’s nips like that!'), claws down through bones, joeys and a toolbox to the bottom, drops two hobgoblin big boom satchels, kicks off with Gloom Wraith Phase and detonates in mid-air; the APV and the GTO roar past him where he lies. A gremlin drops his toolbox on Carl's stomach — 'You can go fuck yourself' — and explodes. The skin will not come off. Heat two: Team Sparkles first, the Jugglers, Team Free Love, the Wild Hunt, the Lady Dominators, One Fine Pig, the Royal Court seventh; Girth the Trouble eliminated.

Characters

• Carl — Wears the joey skin ('I’d fuck me so hard, mate'), hops into the pouch and blows it from inside.
• Princess Donut — Reads Emergency Gremlin scrolls for bait — 'Sorry, guys' — and shoots what the gremlins heal.
• Genesis and Rapture (the Lady Dominators) — Rapture proposes an alliance to 'loser bitchmeat weaklings'; Genesis harpoons the engineer's face.
• Pontiff — Run, Little Günter, Run: his mallet's blow stored in a lederhosen kid.
• Nico and Dario (One Fine Pig) — Nico stays up the hill with the pig, arguing with Dario.
• Penelope — Soaked and squealing in the hail.
• Chiyome (the Wild Hunt) — 'We will avenge Ito’s death!'; Party Foul dies across the road.
• Dwight and Lucienne (Team Sparkles) — Rocket off first.
• The System AI — 'Don’t tickle Papa’s nips like that!' — the kangaroo's fake Australian.

Locations

• The hail track — Heat two results: Sparkles first, the Royal Court seventh.

Motifs

• The tenth floor — NPCs can loot inventory in some cases; Niels the engineer killed, 'Neither were claimed'.
• Explosives — Two hobgoblin big boom satchels at the bottom of the pouch, detonated from mid-air.
• The mobs are victims — Eight gremlins with toolboxes fed to the pouch; the last one explodes on Carl's stomach.
• Carl's bare feet — Pedicure negated by the caustic skin; boxers outside.