Chapter 34 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 34 — Team Helix

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 33 — First place; the jungle ahead · Next: Chapter 35 — Eris and the five-sided coin · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“You’ve been exfoliated,” Donut said, peering at my bare leg as I worked on my foot routin

Summary

Exfoliated: Carl resets his foot buff; Jamal, with Mordecai's new grabber hands, brushes Donut ('I am not a mud-soaked golden retriever') and Carl, whose hair is silkier, which is the wrong thing to say; 'I wish Sledgie was here.' Rend and Mongo play with Gonk and Simoom in the stables. Samantha wants to test kangaroo blood on baby animals and denies dosing Gluteus — 'And now he owes me money'; Gluteus is fed soup by Splash Zone. Dong is shut out of the Porky plan ('We’ll butter him up first.' Splash Zone: 'I hope you have a lot of butter.') Rosetta and Tipid bring team Helix, a three-for-one mercenary squad who raced two heats and placed first and second: Olga, a level-75 Grulke toad ('The time we came in second doesn’t count' — a chained demon killed one of their clients and their friend Helado, and would have killed them all if her partner had not stopped her); Finley, a level-81 Porsuk badger with green-enchanted claws, whose ankle Samantha wetly sucks ('Wait, really?'); and Quemada, a level-96 fire fairy with a Spanish accent who stares at the bubbling Emberus shrine and raises the price to triple: 'or we walk'. Samantha has redecorated Carl's room with wallpaper. Finley and Olga can drive; Quemada is protection. 'We’ll pay the price.'

Characters

• Carl — Exfoliated; 'We’ll pay the price.'
• Princess Donut — 'I am not a mud-soaked golden retriever.'
• Jamal — Mordecai's grabber hands; brushes them both, and Donut: 'I wish Sledgie was here.'
• Samantha — Wants kangaroo blood for baby animals; sucks Finley's ankle; redecorated Carl's room.
• Gluteus Maxx — Fed soup; owes Samantha money.
• Splash Zone — Feeds him.
• Dong Quixote — Shut out of the Porky plan; Splash Zone: 'I hope you have a lot of butter.'
• Doctor Bones — Present.
• Rosetta Thagra — Brings Team Helix.
• Tipid — Brings them.
• Team Helix (Olga, Finley and Quemada) — Olga the Grulke toad, Finley the Porsuk badger, Quemada the fire fairy who triples the price at the Emberus shrine.
• The Sledge — Missed by Donut under the brush: 'I wish Sledgie was here.'

Locations

• Safe rooms — The stables; Carl's wallpapered room.

Motifs

• The blood bar — Between heats.
• The Sluggalos — In the safe room.
• The gods — Quemada stares at the Emberus shrine.