Chapter 33 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 33 — First place; the jungle ahead

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 32 — The skull of Tem; three vehicles over the line · Next: Chapter 34 — Team Helix · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“We both drove,” I said to Donut as we limped back to the garage.

Summary

Both drove — Donut's paws on the pedal count — so neither may touch the controls next heat. Garage six will hold an unknown replacement. Dong wants to drive; Rapture and Genesis carried Corky past him without a word. Onikuma and Old Shuck walk over the finish line and blink away: a mount whose riders die is saved. Dr. Metcalf, from a wheelbarrow of wreckage: 'I’m a shattered husk. Shocker […] At least we won.' The next race, read off the GPS while walking: ninety-nine kilometres, one mandatory refuelling pit stop in the lost jungle city of Upano, 'The You’re Gonna Die If You Go in Here Jungle Trail of Tremendous Cannibalistic Slaughter', no asphalt, some paths with unique tasks, a special containment unit around each vehicle, three other heats sharing the track, grind-house-and-exploitation-cinema themes 'vaguely racist and definitely overexaggerated', acid rain, twenty hours, starting in seven hours and three minutes — the gaps are shrinking. Hedy: a Golden or three regulars now, and a bonus Golden for everyone after heat four; the last surviving team always gets an audience vote. The feed: Imani and Elle second but two more teams lost, including the crawler team that joined them; Florin and Lucia first, three lost; Prepotente and Jurgen first, none lost; Chris third; Louis, Britney and Bautista last of the survivors again, still without tires; Zhang won, and every remaining team in his heat is crawlers, among them a fire truck driven by Sammi Harrison, the isopod summoner who held the FUPA, 'the decapitator', and he fears they are conspiring. Imani and Elle will share the next track with the Royal Court; Prepotente and Louis share 'Satan’s Water Park'. Rosetta and Tipid go for two drivers and defence at double price. 'You want me to pick for you, kangaroo boy?'

Characters

• Carl — Neither may drive next heat; Hedy: 'You want me to pick for you, kangaroo boy?'
• Princess Donut — Paws on the pedal count as driving.
• Dong Quixote — Wants to drive; the womantaurs carry Corky past him.
• Bucket Boy — In the garage.
• Gluteus Maxx — Off the wheel.
• Hedy — A Golden or three regulars; a bonus Golden after heat four.
• Radoslav and Jasha (Team Free Love) — Survived, fourth.
• Rosetta Thagra — Two drivers and defence at double price.
• Tipid — Shopping with her.
• Imani — Second; two more teams lost, including the crawlers who joined them.
• Elle McGibbons — Shares the jungle with the Royal Court.
• Florin — First, three lost.
• Lucia Mar — With Florin.
• Prepotente — First, none lost; Satan's Water Park next.
• Jurgen — With him.
• Chris — Third.
• Louis and Firas — Last of the survivors again, still without tires.
• Li Jun and Zhang — Zhang won; every remaining team in his heat is crawlers.
• Sammi Harrison — Drives a fire truck in Zhang's heat: the isopod summoner, 'the decapitator'.

Locations

• The garage and the cul-de-sac — Garage six for an unknown replacement; Onikuma and Old Shuck blink away.

Motifs

• Dr. Metcalf (the Navitron 1000) — From a wheelbarrow: heat four, 99 km, a pit stop in Upano, containment units, acid rain, twenty hours.
• The tenth floor — The gaps between heats shrink; a saved mount whose riders die.
• The chat — The feed of every heat.