Chapter 32 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles
Chapter 32 — The skull of Tem; three vehicles over the line
Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 31 — Luca Di's entry; the ghoul cages; a mile of fire · Next: Chapter 33 — First place; the jungle ahead · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series
Opening
“I killed more than ten thousand of them!
Summary
Donut killed ten thousand hermits and did not level. The kaiju skull is a three-storey Hercules-beetle husk: 'the skull of Tem, who up until a few days ago resided within the Nothing […] It’s too bad your friend Odette wasted him the moment he appeared […] He has friends who are still alive.' Chiyome: the missiles over One Fine Pig burst early and gooed Onikuma; the bear stumbles on the grade. Wave three comes up through the road, the final wave from the sky like cannon fire; a hermit takes the caged ghoul; Rapture flames straight up from the GTO. The windshield shatters. Donut casts Temporary Macaroni — the spell from Luca Di's entry, at 15 she chooses size, shape and direction — and chains fifteen-foot tubes of dried cannelloni into a highway tunnel, ten mana a tube. A skull comes through the empty windshield; Carl's gauntlet crushes it and Bang Bro fries the purple thing that stays wrapped on his fist. 'You may not message deceased NPCs': the Wild Hunt, then the Jugglers, eliminated — two teams gone. 'The Scavenger’s Daughter has been fed. Unleash her wrath.' The roof ghoul's head leaves with a hermit. An orc skull facehugs Donut and Dorota's arms rip it to shreds. Gluteus is unconscious and foaming on the wheel: Carl takes the wheel (a chime), Donut claws out of the throne's belt and stands on the accelerator (a second chime), and Carl lies back across the hood with the wheel behind his head, feet toward the skull, Daughter's Kiss active. 'Fuck youuuu!' — Dwight's cannon from the left; Carl wrenches the wheel, the truck flips and spins like a bad football, his feet explode the skull, the truck clips the GTO, the vine goes airborne too, and all three cross the line spinning in the air. The kangaroo skin flays off as he slides; his contingency scroll fires; arms, legs and pelvis broken, feet on fire, tater tots everywhere, a chicken patty spinning to rest on its edge. Corky lies beside him with guts leaking from a tear in the suit; Genesis is folded wrong. Dwight, unhurt: 'You motherfuckers are all dead next race'; Lucienne wants a new helmet. One Fine Pig arrives without their Draconian. Heat three: the Royal Court first, Team Sparkles, the Dominators, Free Love, One Fine Pig; sixth: '
Characters
- Carl — Takes the wheel, lies across the hood, explodes the skull with his feet; flayed, broken, alive.
- Princess Donut — Ten thousand kills, no level; Temporary Macaroni into a cannelloni tunnel; stands on the accelerator.
- Gluteus Maxx — Unconscious and foaming on the wheel.
- Jikininki — Both lost to the hermits.
- Dwight and Lucienne (Team Sparkles) — 'Fuck youuuu!' — the cannon flips the truck; 'You motherfuckers are all dead next race'; a new helmet.
- Genesis and Rapture (the Lady Dominators) — Genesis folded wrong over the line.
- Corcunda (Corky and Porky) — Guts leaking from a torn suit beside Carl.
- Radoslav and Jasha (Team Free Love) — Fourth.
- Chiyome (the Wild Hunt) — The Wild Hunt eliminated; the bear gooed.
- Odette — 'Wasted him the moment he appeared' — Tem.
- Jamal — Waves from garage one.
- Dong Quixote — Waves.
- Hedy — Waves.
Locations
- The downhill track — The skull of Tem, a three-storey beetle husk; three vehicles over the line in the air.
- The Nothing — Where Tem resided until days ago.
Motifs
- The Scavenger's Daughter — 'The Scavenger’s Daughter has been fed. Unleash her wrath.'
- Dorota — Her arms rip a skull off Donut's face.
- A Banquet Fit for a Princess — Luca Di's spell, at 15.
- The Big Shot Chicken truck — Flipped and spinning like a bad football.
- Carl's bare feet — Feet on fire; the skin flays off.