Chapter 35 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 35 — Eris and the five-sided coin

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 34 — Team Helix · Next: Chapter 36 — Jacobus, the reverse tooth fairy · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“My friend Mordecai was once a frog creature like you,” Donut said as we entered Hungry Ey

Summary

Hungry Eyes is emptier. Quemada, wings of smoke, whispers that Emberus told her to help any fellow worshipper who raced: 'We have been tasked with slaying his brother'; she tripled the fee because she expects to die killing Hellik and wants Olga and Finley kept safe — 'The unappeasable fire beckons us.' Carl's Kill Hellik problem, stated plainly: kill Hellik and Emberus kills him for daring; fail or leave and be smitten; kill Emberus and be marked by every god, with no way even to approach him. 'I was fucked no matter which path I took.' He thinks of Eris — and the world freezes: 'System Message: Eris has entered the realm […] The Scavenger’s Daughter has opened her eyes. She fills with power'; random effect: a temporary magical effect on someone nearby becomes permanent. Eris sits on a meat cart, swirl lips, forked tongue: level 251, a level higher than before, 'which I thought was impossible', 'lost her sponsor and can no longer be sponsored this season', invulnerable on this floor, 'summoned by '. 'My ears were burning.' A robot Uzi Jesus action figure climbs her dress, spits out the meat ('apostate ass'), and wants to kill Florin, who gave him up — Eris: 'We need him alive. As soon as he cracks that mystery open, we’ll be done with him.' She will not talk about his wife 'or the pickaxe that may or may not eventually kill your friend and everyone you love' (Britney; Ysalte). Her offer: ditch Emberus, worship her truly, and she will protect him and kill Emberus, Hellik and her half-brother — 'not yet. We have plans in motion, and we need all three […] Their mother, too, has gotta go, but she’s a special case.' She wants the Ascendent throne; when she wins she can send his friends to the Cabaret, to the surface, rebuild his world. Three things: make nice with Akuma, whose way into the Pineapple Cabaret is real and 'so much more' than an exit (the war mages will turn on them at the end, 'probably'); worship her; and let her 'score your surface a bit […] rough it up a little'. She spits a five-sided coin: Donut's face, RIP; 'Carl de-feeted' with severed feet; a pile of bodies, 'Most of my friends are dead'; Carl hanging upside down from a tree by one foot, smiling, ringed with player-killer skulls, 'I become what they accuse me of'. One of the four must happen before the Ascendent is chosen. The Eye of the Bedlam Bride opens on his chest. 'True faith first requires a crucible.' Jesus flips the coin; Carl snatches it burning from the air — 'You picked the fifth side! Great! Chaos wins again!' — and it leaves a slowly spinning swirl tattooed on his palm ('This bitch is coloring outside the lines'). The fifth side: one, two, three, all or none of the four. She kisses him: 'my soon-to-be-favorite worshipper'. For the random permanent effect she points at Imani: 'I think Imani will be able to explain it after I leave.'

Characters

• Carl — 'I was fucked no matter which path I took'; snatches the burning coin from the air.
• Princess Donut — Her face on one side of the coin, RIP.
• Team Helix (Olga, Finley and Quemada) — Quemada: Emberus tasked them with slaying Hellik; she expects to die.
• Eris — Level 251, unsponsorable, invulnerable, on a meat cart: worship her and she kills Emberus, Hellik and the half-brother — later.
• Heyzoos — A robot action figure who wants Florin dead; flips the coin.
• Emberus — Kill Hellik and he kills Carl for daring.
• Hellik — Eris needs all three alive.
• Florin — Eris: 'As soon as he cracks that mystery open, we’ll be done with him.'
• Britney Proskurina — Eris, of what she will not explain: 'The pickaxe that may or may not eventually kill your friend.'
• Imani — Eris points at her for the random permanent effect: 'I think Imani will be able to explain it after I leave.'
• Akuma — Eris: 'Make nice with Akuma' — his way in is real.

Locations

• Hungry Eyes Village — Emptier; a meat cart.

Motifs

• The gods — Eris's offer and her mother, 'a special case'.
• The Scavenger's Daughter — Opens her eyes for Eris; effect: a temporary magic made permanent.
• The five-sided coin — Donut dead, Carl de-feeted, most friends dead, Carl hanging by a foot in a ring of skulls — one before the Ascendent is chosen; the fifth side on his palm.
• The Celestial Ascendency — Eris wants the throne.
• The Pineapple Cabaret — 'So much more' than an exit.
• The Eye of the Bedlam Bride — Opens on his chest.
• The war mages — Will turn on them at the end, 'probably'.
• Player-killer skulls — 'I become what they accuse me of.'