Chapter 41 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 41 — Forty paths; Osvaldo's crystals

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 40 — Heat four: survival containment; Team Flamengo · Next: Chapter 42 — Into the jungle; Quemada breaks; the Wienermobile · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

» We have over forty possible paths to the pit stop, which is approximately thirty-five ki

Summary

Dr. Metcalf maps over forty paths to the pit stop thirty-five kilometres off; the shortest is a straight line through the Temple of the Exploding Snake Goddess. Her plan: the direct path, veer before the temple, ford the I-Sure-Hope-These-Piranhas-Haven't-Learned-to-Fly River, loop the southern cannibal village, take the dirt road into Upano, and dodge every boss and quest; traps are not on the map, and they did not buy the GPS upgrade with threat radar — 'This all comes from your inability to commit. Your fear that decisions are the same as shackles.' There is no plan for Team Sparkles — a mistake — and the womantaurs likely want them dead, which would kill Corky, 'the key to everything'. Carl writes to Osvaldo, and the answer comes: a quest to collect a memorial crystal for Tupa, taken at Imogen's death and called corrupted; a second found in the forest during Faction Wars, also 'wrong'; now a quest to learn why the crystals are failing; he gave the first to the goat because 'I’m so tired of this'. The second crystal is Ysalte's, 'The Vinegar Bitch. The one Paz killed. He was my friend, you know. […] It’s like everyone who ever comes in contact with you dies. Now it’s our turn, I suppose.' Quemada floats sobbing: 'Is this real? Are you real? Am I real?' Yellow light.

Characters

• Carl — Messages Osvaldo alone; 'I had completely misread that situation.'
• Princess Donut — Shaking too.
• Team Helix (Olga, Finley and Quemada) — Quemada floats sobbing: 'Is this real? Are you real? Am I real?'
• Osvaldo — Two memorial crystals, both 'wrong'; Ysalte's is the second; 'everyone who ever comes in contact with you dies.'
• Prepotente — Given the Apito crystal; yelled at Osvaldo for not giving it sooner.

Locations

• The jungle track — Over forty paths; the Temple of the Exploding Snake Goddess; the piranha river; acid rain.

Motifs

• Dr. Metcalf (the Navitron 1000) — 'Your fear that decisions are the same as shackles.'
• Memorial crystals — Two that do not work; a quest to learn why.
• The gods — Tupa, now sponsored 'by some rich asshole'.
• Waking the NPCs — Quemada breaks.