Chapter 43 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 43 — The cannibals; Great Rusty; Pasty Inferno

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 42 — Into the jungle; Quemada breaks; the Wienermobile · Next: Chapter 44 — Upano: the pit stop; Jamal on the ceiling; three deaths in the street · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

The road jolted. The track suddenly got bumpier.

Summary

Bigger wheels for the outskirts of cannibal territory; Imani and Elle's APV, bigger than the Tigrans' military vehicle, flashes its lights behind. Donut asks whether they are cannibals if they are not human — 'we call them goblins' — and they attack: pale creatures dropping from the canopy, exploding against the shield like bags of tomato soup; Donut's Torch turns night to day and drives them mad. A bent-tree arch strung with skeletons and a hundred spearmen in wooden masks from a home-décor store's idea of Africa — '“Vaguely racist.” I’d love to see its version of overt.' Donut's Astral Paw sweeps the bridge like a chessboard and the arch catapults the rest; the spell is stronger but the cooldown is eight hours, and she killed eighty without a level. The dog tattoo on her behind bites her. The shield overheats. Great Rusty, Cannibal Ginger Chieftain, level 99 neighbourhood boss, a fat balding redhead in an ape skull with a man bun held by a bone: the AI's card — a storyline lifted from the never-realised seventh floor, gingers 'the perverts of the dungeon', humans from Earth, the result of alien meddling ('it’s suspected the Nullians were involved'), immune to electricity and acid, able to suck your soul, two warring settlements, and a paragraph on how outsiders crash through cultures and blame the natives generations later — 'both socially conscious and outrageously racist at the same time'. Soul Suck negated by Carl's Mind Balance; Donut on gingerphobia and orange cats ('the same is true for humans'); 'you’ve been referring to the AI as a ‘he’ a lot more recently, Carl' Olga slumps, Gingered, health draining; Donut's missile explodes Rusty and Olga wakes into a fugue — Mordecai: the soul returns, but she needs a cleric. Finley drives through the village, freckled children jumping clear, and the mandatory quest lands: Pasty Inferno — Maurice of the northern tribe will march on Upano; find and kill him, reward the contents of his cook pot; the race cannot be finished while the Maurice on your track lives. Dr. Metcalf: 'The quest happened when the cat blew up the fat guy.' 'We should’ve just followed the sausage truck.'

Characters

• Carl — Soul Suck negated by Mind Balance; Donut notices: 'you’ve been referring to the AI as a ‘he’ a lot more recently'
• Princess Donut — Astral Paw sweeps the bridge; eighty kills, no level; the tattoo bites her.
• Team Helix (Olga, Finley and Quemada) — Olga Gingered into a fugue; Finley drives through the village.
• Imani — Behind them in the APV.
• Elle McGibbons — 'Have I told you recently how terrifying you are?'
• Mordecai — The soul returns; she needs a cleric.
• The System AI — The ginger card: Nullian meddling, socially conscious and racist at once.

Locations

• The jungle track — Cannibals from the canopy; a skeleton arch; the southern village's freckled children.

Motifs

• Dr. Metcalf (the Navitron 1000) — 'The quest happened when the cat blew up the fat guy.'
• The AI's confessions — A storyline lifted from the never-realised seventh floor.
• Quests — Pasty Inferno: kill Maurice or the race cannot be finished.
• The tenth floor — Great Rusty, level 99.