Chapter 58 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 58 — Jurgen at the door; Porky's zipper

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 57 — The brawl; Sing for your supper · Next: Chapter 59 — Negative ROI; the GTO leaves early · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

The bartender, crying, scooped up a few handfuls of the dead DJ and rushed outside.

Summary

The bartender carries out handfuls of the DJ, weeping; NPCs help refill the sock but it will not regrow, and dozens ran with coins. Splash Zone does not answer; Tipid and Bucket Boy lug Dwight to his garage. Jurgen breaks from Florin's grip and is stopped at the guild door like a wall: 'There is a goddess threatening to kill all the children.' The only lever this side is Lucia taking a deal. 'Send me out via the Pineapple place, too.' He worships Donar — 'They said those of us who worship gods can’t go, or they say they don’t want us to go?' — a good question Carl cannot answer; Akuma lied about the two teams. Carl is charting every god by affiliation and skill: Donar, thunder and lightning, 'much the same as Thor. But manlier', unsponsored, has given Jurgen lightning spells — Carl's heart skips. Heidi: Jurgen has not heard her in a while, thinks she is in danger; she is pregnant. 'You and Prepotente need to focus on surviving this next race.' The Stage Performance Guild — the welcome notification glitches ('o-o-o-offered'; even system text glitches more now) — is a dusty five-hundred-seat theatre with one spotlight on Porky, the left half of Corcunda, on his back in a white gimp suit covered in zippers, the long one down his flat side stuck at the waist on a bulge of intestine: 'It doesn’t hurt, but it’s really gross.' The suit recycles water; he does not eat; his top arm is too short. Carl remembers Bea's hair in a jacket zipper and the three-hour replacement hunt. A pop, a spurt, the suit flashes. 'My, my, aren’t you muscly?' Free levels of Razzmatazz. Organs press the drumhead-taut zipper line; the half-brain undulates. 'I haven’t been called Porky in a long time.' Female mantaurs worship Enyo, an unhinged war goddess, not Grull; Porky's devotion to Grull left when he split — 'a very unpleasant deity'; the ladies prey on vulnerable mantaurs with domination magic, draining Corky before each race so he lies submissive, unconscious, boosting their stats. 'If my other half dies, I die, too.' A dirty mattress, hidden newsletters, Milk's loneliness recalled. He will come — hired or manhandled — 'It would be nice to not have to lean against everything again.' And he wants help kicking the tar out of the stripper responsible: Dong Quixote.

Characters

• Carl — Charts the gods; frees Porky's zipper; 'Look, Porky, I need to talk to you.'
• Jurgen — 'They said […] can’t go, or […] don’t want us to go?'; Donar; Heidi silent and pregnant.
• Florin — Holds Jurgen back.
• Corcunda (Corky and Porky) — Porky, guildmaster, on his back in a white zippered suit; 'If my other half dies, I die, too.'
• Tipid — Lugs the unicorn home.
• Bucket Boy — Helps.
• Dwight and Lucienne (Team Sparkles) — Unconscious, hauled off.
• Dong Quixote — The stripper Porky wants beaten.
• Bea — Her hair in a jacket zipper.

Locations

• The Lollipop — The bartender carries out the DJ.
• The Stage Performance Guild — A dusty five-hundred-seat theatre, one spotlight, a dirty mattress.

Motifs

• The kinder facility — 'There is a goddess threatening to kill all the children.'
• The gods — Donar, 'much the same as Thor. But manlier'; Enyo; Grull left with the split.
• The Pineapple Cabaret — Is the god rule real?
• Carl's chart of the gods — Carl's running chart.
• The AI's confessions — 'o-o-o-offered'.
• The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook — Milk's loneliness recalled.