Chapter 59 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 59 — Negative ROI; the GTO leaves early

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 58 — Jurgen at the door; Porky's zipper · Next: Chapter 60 — Real Gs; the scarf · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

We had just over an hour and a half before the next heat would start.

Summary

Ninety minutes to the heat. Elle: 'Na is in. I think […] she sort of nodded'; Donut 'WAS ROBBED OF A PERFECT SCORE.' Dong will not leave; the sock is back to its first size and has stopped talking to him. Then a warning: Splash Zone is 'no longer on this floor', still billable — Gluteus and Doctor Bones too; they had gone to see Hamed, leader of the Guild of Suffering, Astrid's 'husband', Anaconda and Damascus Steel's father, who runs the Desperado Club since Katia and Carl killed her. Not dead, at least; 'Don’t go back in there.' At garage 2 with Donut's Hole spell: sleep from Louis, Sluggish from Imani, grab Corky, Grigori's ceremony at home. The fleshmancer has never done it — halfsies rarely survive Split Personality — but has seen Meld, where one creature consumes another and the caster dominates; 'I specialize in fixing other people’s mistakes'; he wants to examine Samantha's 'so-called withering spirit', which is 'quite impossible', and has options for a body now the flesh golem is wasted. Porky on Lover Illiana (a real famed singer and coach, tragically dead) and showmanship: '10% talent, 90% presence […] You want them to limp out of the theater'. Tipid: Dong is sick, debuff Negative ROI; Bucket Boy: a curse; the sock attacked him and safe-room rules teleported it away — Mordecai: 'Goddamn sapient weapons.' Dong: 'He is the love of my life […] I am right here on the other side of the door.' Carl refuses, then the door opens on its own: the GTO revs out with Genesis and Rapture cackling — the starting road appears, and the Gasworks Screw Factory, Steel Mill and Doll Workshop looms with 'There’s no cocaine in here' under the sign. They heard everything: 'Wanna hop in? […] We’d love to have a matched set'; 'We’ll unzip Corky and let him spill before we let you have him'; 'He’s nontransferable.' Gold tires, new. Porky, enraged: 'You failed to mention Dong was a part of this.' Mordecai and Tiatha: the curse is Separation Anxiety; no temple; they need the sock and every coin, and the sock has moved on — 'They use their owners until they can’t anymore […] Its danger was masked by its stupid origin story.' Imani runs to Dong. Carl on the curb: his sock, from Quan Ch; Li Na drained of humanity — 'Was I different?' 'Porky, you’re going to have to put your big-boy pants on […] Grigori, you’re going to spend the next half hour learning how to drive.' The reunion happens during the race.

Characters

• Carl — Refuses Dong, then: 'Porky, you’re going to have to put your big-boy pants on.'
• Princess Donut — 'ROBBED OF A PERFECT SCORE'; Lover Illiana.
• Elle McGibbons — 'Na is in. I think.'
• Imani — Runs to Dong.
• Dong Quixote — Negative ROI: the sock's curse; 'He is the love of my life.'
• Splash Zone — 'No longer on this floor.'
• Bucket Boy — The sock attacked him and vanished.
• The Night Wyrm — Hamed: Astrid's husband; the Guild of Suffering; the strippers went to him.
• Grigori the Placid — Has seen Meld, never a rejoining; 'I specialize in fixing other people’s mistakes.'
• Corcunda (Corky and Porky) — Porky enraged: 'You failed to mention Dong.'
• Genesis and Rapture (the Lady Dominators) — Leave early with gold tires: 'a matched set.'
• Tipid — Reports the debuff.
• Mordecai — 'Goddamn sapient weapons.'
• Mistress Tiatha — Names the curse Separation Anxiety.
• Louis and Firas — Sleep spell assigned.
• Britney Proskurina — Guard assigned.
• Samantha — Her 'withering spirit', to be examined.

Locations

• The garage and the cul-de-sac — Garage 2 opens on its own.
• The Lollipop — Porky and Donut on showmanship.
• The Desperado Club — Where the strippers vanished.

Motifs

• The nickel sock — Used its owner and moved on; every coin needed.
• I have dreamed thee too long / Half a prayer, half a song — The reunion moves into the race.
• Staying human — 'Was I different?'
• Samantha's body — Options now the flesh golem is wasted.