Chapter 60 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 60 — Real Gs; the scarf

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 59 — Negative ROI; the GTO leaves early · Next: Chapter 61 — Suckira; the cactus; Li Na leaves the game · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

I left Grigori in the garage with Hedy and Jamal, and we entered the safe room to find Don

Summary

Dong sobs on the couch with Bigs covering his head; Imani can slow but not stop the drain — ninety minutes, maybe less — and goes to talk to Li Na, Jacobus peering into Dong's mouth before she yells him off. Bigs: 'You’re not my favorite person right now, Daddy' — the sluggalo code is 'unity, support, family, and kneecapping bitches', and Carl is providing none of it, 'That makes you the bitch.' 'You’re right. I’m sorry.' 'Wait, I am?' He reaches for the old line to Brandon — 'When we stop doing that, that's when we stop being' — and human is no longer the word; Bigs supplies it: 'Real Gs.' Na is 'a lot like me. She’s lost her way.' 'But I’m not the one you need to apologize to.' To Dong, towel in hand for the sluggalo slime: the first part of the floor was a relief, being on rails, no choices; then he saw the floor is a deliberate trap, a drain for those spat out of Faction Wars, spinning faster toward the hole. He kept Dong out because Dong is too close and love is a complication, not an asset — and that is not what they will do: three mercenaries in the race, Grigori, Porky and Dong. 'Jefferson said I was a bad investment.' 'Survival has more than one meaning.' Carl thinks of D'Nadia, of Finley's death, of the voices under the surface and the tremor in his hands since Donut's attack in the tower: Li Na, Lucia Mar — 'it was me […] holding on by my fingers, and I was slipping'. You will not break me. Dong: people think folks like him cannot have a partner, 'like they don’t think we’re real'; he fell in love during a battle at the Desperado Club just after the split, when Corky said 'There’s no such thing as a sad ending if it’s by the side of the people who make you happy.' Samantha, appearing: she will steal that line when she crashes the car; 'You’re only half as handsome as I thought you’d be.' Porky steps forward: he remembers that siege and left soon after to run a guild. 'Good sir, that’s my scarf.' 'My other half let me have it […] I told him I was going to throw it out […] and he said, “No, you won’t.” And I didn’t.' 'Why did you hate me?' Carl carries Samantha out, chewing his hand, as she wonders whether a rejoined Corcunda will have cheated on himself. At the door the cleaner bot is pressed listening: 'You’re a goddamned hero […] I appreciate it.' A long beep.

Characters

• Carl — 'You’re right. I’m sorry'; the floor is a drain; 'slipping, slipping, slipping'; thanks the cleaner bot.
• Dong Quixote — 'Do you know why I fell in love with him?'; 'Good sir, that’s my scarf.'
• Kandy Bigs Newton — 'That makes you the bitch'; 'Real Gs.'
• Imani — Can slow the drain, not stop it; goes to Li Na.
• Jacobus — Peers into Dong's mouth.
• Corcunda (Corky and Porky) — Porky steps forward wearing Dong's scarf: 'Why did you hate me?'
• Samantha — 'Deathbed make-up sex is my favorite kind'; chews Carl's hand.
• Li Na — Carl: 'She’s a lot like me. She’s lost her way.'

Locations

• The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — The couch; the cleaner bot pressed to the common-room door.

Motifs

• The cleaner bots — 'You’re a goddamned hero.'
• Staying human — Real Gs instead of human.
• 'You're not going to break me' — 'You will not. '
• The tenth floor — A drain that spins faster toward the hole.
• Waking the NPCs — 'It’s like they don’t think we’re real.'
• Carl's family — 'Survival has more than one meaning.'