Chapter 61 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 61 — Suckira; the cactus; Li Na leaves the game

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 60 — Real Gs; the scarf · Next: Chapter 62 — Mees Koning's page; to battle · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

Li Na sat in the middle of the common room, hovering a foot off the floor.

Summary

Li Na hovers glowing in the common room, good eye shut, clockwork eye twitching, Mordecai, Tiatha and Rosetta beside her, the white cleaner bot near. Mordecai explains: an XL pet carrier cannot hold a crawler but can suck one in with consent, expelling them Bonked after ten seconds; the carrier cannot enter a personal inventory but can enter the cleaner bot's weight-based utility storage — so Na goes into the carrier, the carrier into 'Suckira' (Louis's name, after his mother's robot vacuum in Florida; Donut wanted Anna Nardini; Samantha flipped the coin and cheated 'for her man'; Louis: 'stop sticking your tongue in my gills'). Elle: 'Holy shit, we get it.' Carl's version: bot sold, Herot buys it, empties her into the Cabaret, outside the playing field, 'lost'. Louis: 'like trading a Pokémon between devices.' Rosetta: containers and contents transfer, probably; survival at collapse unproven. Tiatha, drunk: 'It has happened before.' The signal: Na has cast Deadly Bloom, a dread trap, on Carl's Home Depot cactus (Samantha put it out — 'Much too aggressive for the vibe'): glowing, alive in the dungeon; blooming unlit, she has left the game; dust, dead inside; glow fading over days, trapped in storage; one flower, safe for the others to follow; three flowers, not safe. Donut: then everyone goes via Ezra Fitz the Second, the other bot, 'Because Ezra Fitz sucks, Carl.' Mordecai: carriers are expensive, the other bot's room limited by the naga inheritance's leftovers — maybe fifty more people; a sold upgrade cannot be relisted for thirty days. Fifty is not enough; Carl drafts a call for other bots. Prepotente ('a surefire suicide method […] Good luck, Li Na') asks to attach his personal space to the guild after all — the pet stables, the Bopca, and a karaoke kit for the main room; Donut gasps. Linus pesters Bautista for 'Bautista tea', Donut says, trending; Elle's Snow Cones raided Donut's server and now work with the Posse. Zhang: 'I’m sorry it was your brother and not me.' Na opens her eye: 'I am no child to protect […] Jun loved you like a brother. I will do this. […] Do not ever lose your smile. I used to smile at you […] I would pretend, in my mind, that you and I were married.' 'I do not wish to speak to anyone else.' Zhang presses the button; Suckira takes the buzzing carrier; the cactus holds. Donut lists the bot at the terminal; it vanishes with a beep — and Mordecai's hood is down, his eye on fire: 'The Oak Fell lives up to her name.' Your item has sold!

Characters

• Carl — 'Basically, Li Na gets sucked into the cleaner bot […] she’ll be considered “lost.”'
• Princess Donut — Names the bots; lists Suckira for sale; 'Because Ezra Fitz sucks, Carl.'
• Li Na — 'I am no child to protect […] Do not ever lose your smile'; into the carrier.
• Li Jun and Zhang — Zhang presses the button.
• Mordecai — Explains the carrier and the bot; hood down, eye afire: 'The Oak Fell lives up to her name.'
• Mistress Tiatha — Drunk: 'It has happened before.'
• Rosetta Thagra — The cactus code; containers transfer, probably.
• Prepotente — 'A surefire suicide method'; asks to join the guild; a karaoke kit.
• Louis and Firas — Suckira, after his mother's vacuum; 'like trading a Pokémon.'
• Samantha — Cheated the coin flip 'for her man'.
• Elle McGibbons — 'Holy shit, we get it.'
• Imani — Once offered to attach Prepotente's personal space to the guild; he said no.
• Linus and Minus — Pesters Bautista for tea.
• Daniel Bautista — Donut: 'Bautista tea' is trending.

Locations

• The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — The common room; the shop terminal by the Bopca.

Motifs

• The cleaner bots — Suckira sold; thirty days before relisting; fifty more per bot.
• The Pineapple Cabaret — Outside the playing field.
• The Garden of Deliverance — The cactus: glowing, blooming, dust, fading, one flower, three.
• The Oak Fell — Spoken through Mordecai a second time.
• Carl's family — Na's farewell.
• The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook — Herot will buy the bot.