Chapter 62 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 62 — Mees Koning's page; to battle

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 61 — Suckira; the cactus; Li Na leaves the game · Next: Chapter 63 — Receiving; the jump; Toddler Cocaine · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

<Entry from Donut’s A Banquet Fit for a Princess.

Summary

An entry from Donut's A Banquet Fit for a Princess: Mees Koning 2, Crawler #9,174,929, half-orc, 'Boring Ol’ Mage', final level 63 — never good-looking, never a girlfriend, a stutter, race options that only made him uglier after an Acid Spitter scarred him, two player-killer skulls when Whoopsie Daisy backfired, truly alone; and one minute before the southern-border battle when Donut said she liked his fangs, waited through his stutter, told him about Imani and that we all have scars — 'the first time in my entire life anyone has ever looked at me and said something nice, just to be nice'. He was inside the ball when she cast her Atrocity. 'You are beautiful on the inside and on the outside, no matter how many scars you may receive.' His anime drawing: Big-Ass Magnet, level 14. In the pet stables Dong shows Porky Gonk the swamp yak and Simoom the rhino; Rend whines at being left behind and gets frozen chicken patties ('too dangerous right now with all the potatoes everywhere'); Porky eyes Penelope with his half tongue. Dong to Gonk: 'I used to dream of one final charge into the unknown astride a beast such as yourself […] Still a worthy quest.' 'To battle, then?' 'To battle.' Akuma, still on the floor, tells Carl to stop messaging him. Zhang: Na has left the party and is disqualified; an Uh-Oh achievement for a solo driver; Bodi rides Torpedo. Mordecai: the cactus holds. Donut on the Oak Fell voice: 'He said that would only happen once […] But that’s twice now.' At the line, last to arrive, two over from the Dominators with Osvaldo between and Free Love beside; Dwight alone in his vine staring ahead; twelve heats, Prepotente and Jurgen on Sweety somewhere; Louis, Imani and Zhang on the Infected Gravity Well, Florin on There's Something Wrong with the Zoo. Dong, Porky and Grigori strapped in a row, Dong deep yellow, Porky's hand on his shoulder and Dong holding it there; Grigori green from coasting to the line ('You have a sink next to you'). Dr. Metcalf, humiliated beside Janice, the Dominators' fully upgraded GPS ('a snotty bitch'), threatens Dorota, then reads the map: receiving bay to shipping, molten floors to be driven on walls or ceilings, bosses in the metal 'will likely put me out of my misery'. Osvaldo will let them cut behind the GTO; one shot; thirty minutes, twenty kilometres. Green.

Characters

• Carl — Too dangerous with potatoes everywhere; 'To battle'; last to the line.
• Princess Donut — 'That’s twice now. It’s really scary.'
• Mees Koning 2 — Crawler #9,174,929, half-orc, two accidental skulls; a minute of kindness; Big-Ass Magnet.
• Dong Quixote — Shows Porky the yak: 'one final charge into the unknown'; deep yellow, Porky's hand on his shoulder.
• Corcunda (Corky and Porky) — Porky eyes Penelope with his half tongue.
• Grigori the Placid — Green from coasting; 'You have a sink next to you.'
• Garret — Rend whines at being left; chicken patties.
• Penelope — In the stables with Rend.
• Akuma — 'Stop messaging me.'
• Li Jun and Zhang — Na disqualified; an Uh-Oh achievement.
• Bodi — Rides Torpedo.
• Mordecai — The cactus holds.
• Osvaldo — Will let them cut behind the GTO.
• Dwight and Lucienne (Team Sparkles) — Alone in the vine, staring.
• Prepotente — On Sweety somewhere among twelve heats.
• Jurgen — With him.

Locations

• The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — The pet stables.
• The Gasworks Screw Factory, Steel Mill, and Doll Workshop — The line; receiving bay to shipping.

Motifs

• A Banquet Fit for a Princess — Mees Koning's page.
• Dr. Metcalf (the Navitron 1000) — Humiliated beside Janice; 'put me out of my misery'.
• Dorota — 'If someone is making you uncomfortable, it’s best to cut them from your life.'
• The Oak Fell — The second proclamation.
• The Garden of Deliverance — Steady.
• Staying human — 'Still a worthy quest, I say.'