Chapter 25 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 25 — Fursona; Mario Kart; the hotlist

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 24 — Akuma's note; half a prayer, half a song; the sock · Next: Chapter 26 — Rend's sixth death; two ghouls · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

We sent Rosetta and Tipid into Hungry Eyes to grab a mercenary—if any were left—while Donu

Summary

Rosetta and Tipid go for a mercenary; Donut's blood bar barely rose on the kangaroo. The cleaner bot has reduced Rishi's household to a corner pile: a broken communicator, Samantha's makeup, odds and ends, and scorched legal papers in a language Carl cannot read, which Tipid was sorting. The strippers, NPCs and sluggalos play four-player Mario Kart on the Wii — Samantha as Peach on a pink motorcycle, controller in her mouth, pressing buttons with her tongue, undefeated but for Tipid and one large slug; Doctor Bones and Splash Zone and two level-10 slugs as Wario lose; Gluteus Maxx is good as Luigi; Bodi is on Forza with Louis in Katia's old safe room. Food from the boxes is liquefied, fish-smelling and burnt; Carl cannot reset his foot buff or brush his hair, but he can pee — once his new Fursona skill reaches 5; at 8, 'Yiffing is unlocked!' and the suit feels more like his body with each level. Elle's bar counter replaces the table. Imani hides here from Linus. Samantha wins her slaves ('the loser has to pay the winner a sick compliment': 'You’re not as psychotic as I first thought'). Donut asks Imani how many brothers she has — two full siblings, she the youngest and only girl — and tells of Charleston Chew flown to Australia; Imani changes the subject to Funky Kong. Carl: 'I don’t think she wants to be defined by her past.' Achievements: Weaseler! ('It’s like transitory vore […] it’s okay to order the hamburger every now and then at the Chinese place') unlocks temporary classes in corpse suits — current class Fursuiter; Slip-’n’-slide ('Ungghh. Warm. So warm'); Brotein! for caressing a male boss's nipple ('We don’t reward deviancy'), which nobody else heard him shout at; ’76 Buccaneers! for last place, rewarding a stained job application for Big Shot Chicken in Tucson. The AI's voice glitches more and more. The Platinum Boss Box: Platinum Hotlist Expansion to 25 spaces and the Contingency skill — up to ten programmable automations using several hotlist items at once, which Lucia surely has. Mongo staggers in drunk; Rend follows; Mordecai enters with potion balls, rises, and in the reaper's voice: 'And now you perish once again. The next time will herald the beginning of the end.' Rend drops dead.

Characters

• Carl — Fursona 5 lets him pee; Weaseler!, Slip-’n’-slide, Brotein!, ’76 Buccaneers!; a hotlist of 25 and the Contingency skill.
• Princess Donut — Asks Imani about her brothers; the Charleston Chew flown to Australia.
• Imani — Hides from Linus; two brothers, the youngest and only girl; changes the subject to Funky Kong.
• Samantha — Peach on a pink motorcycle, controller in her mouth, undefeated; wins slaves.
• Tipid — Sorting scorched legal papers; one of two who beat Samantha.
• Rosetta Thagra — Off for a mercenary.
• Doctor Bones — Loses as Wario.
• Splash Zone — Loses as Wario.
• Gluteus Maxx — Good as Luigi.
• Bodi — On Forza with Louis in Katia's old room.
• Louis and Firas — Forza.
• Mordecai — Enters with potion balls and speaks in the reaper's voice: 'The next time will herald the beginning of the end.'
• Garret — Rend drops dead at the words.
• Mongo — Staggers in drunk.
• Elle McGibbons — Her bar counter replaces the table.
• Linus and Minus — Imani hides from him.
• The System AI — 'We don’t reward deviancy'; the voice glitches more and more.

Locations

• Safe rooms — Mario Kart on the Wii; food from the boxes liquefied and burnt.

Motifs

• Achievements — Weaseler! unlocks temporary classes in corpse suits; ’76 Buccaneers! for last place.
• Rishi's junk — Reduced to a corner pile: a communicator, legal papers Carl cannot read.
• The blood bar — Barely rose on the kangaroo.
• The Sluggalos — Two level-10 slugs at the controllers.
• The Moon Reaper's prophecy — Spoken again, to Rend.