Chapter 46 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 46 — Glitzy Pizzazz; two traps

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 45 — The garage of One Fine Pig · Next: Chapter 47 — Secretions; the twist; One Fine Pig eliminated · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“Come on, Donut,” I said. I raised my voice to Elle and Imani, who were still in the garag

Summary

'I freaked out for a second. Donut talked me down.' Imani: 'This floor is getting to all of us. We gotta keep our heads.' Back at the Tigran garage, Dario covering the pig's eyes against Donut, Carl asks for Glitzy Pizzazz. Headset on, Auto-Tune on, Donut addresses the 'fake tiger people': they do not deserve the gift but Penelope is innocent, and since Carl has not practised his bagpipes she will not sing 'Acapulco' but talk — All Eyes on Me, cast with speech now her charisma allows it. Relationship advice for the throuple: pigs are attracted to toxic relationships, Miss Piggy abuses Kermit and gets a pass for being beautiful and knowing karate, Piglet is a twink with a selfish bear, Wilbur and the spider lady, Peppa destined for a Denny's ham lover's skillet unless she deals with her cousin Chloé. Under it, five seconds each: two silent disintegration traps at the shield's edge, like the war mage's, single-target, keyed to Tigrans only so a carried Penelope is safe. The Tigrans blink, charmed and unaware. Down the street the Bleak Congregation returns from town with a bucket of white sloshing liquid; Donut waves to the Minister of Blood-Letting, who bows. Elle: it looked like jizz — 'I got enough of that when Carl yanked off that crab.' Imani examined it: 'It’s something even worse.'

Characters

• Carl — Two silent disintegration traps keyed to Tigrans.
• Princess Donut — Glitzy Pizzazz: relationship advice for the throuple as All Eyes on Me.
• Imani — 'This floor is getting to all of us.'
• Elle McGibbons — 'I got enough of that when Carl yanked off that crab.'
• Nico and Dario (One Fine Pig) — Charmed and unaware.
• Penelope — Innocent; the advice is for her.
• The Minister of Blood-Letting — Returns from town with a bucket of white liquid; bows.

Locations

• Upano — The street.
• The garage and the cul-de-sac — The Tigran garage.

Motifs

• Explosives — Traps at the shield's edge, like the war mage's.
• Donut's songs — Miss Piggy, Piglet, Wilbur, Peppa.
• The tenth floor — 'I’m testing a theory.'