Chapter 89 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 89 — Every screen; the Tome of Gatekeeper; the Lucky Shot patch

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible Two · Previous: Chapter 88 — Interlude: Quasar; the eleventh floor — twenty-three crawlers; Chaco's parade · Next: Chapter 90 — The Vengeance float; Carl leaves the party · Floor: Floor 11 — A Parade of Horribles · Series: the series

Opening

We entered the safe room and found all the mercenaries sitting around the screen, watching

Summary

The mercenaries watch a screen scrolling what looks like the Iron Tangle; Rosetta identifies a tunnel node, its dots communication pinholes, and Zev says it is on every screen everywhere but the centre system. The view shifts to Earth, zooming to the Pacific three hundred miles off Washington at the Juan de Fuca Ridge, then to a yellow-brick road across an endless plain and a countdown: the Parade begins soon, and viewing is mandatory.

Donut's floor prize is a paperback, the Tome of Gatekeeper, 'an Advance Reader Copy. Street date: 12th floor', whose description riffs on gatekeepers and on the gatekeeping the AI itself receives. The spell strips a target's class skills for a time; on a deity it removes the Worshipper Base Associated skill and spell set, though a lava god still has lava. It can target an OI entity, and Mordecai has no clue what that is — he is currently the table Samantha sits on, able to hear but not speak. Donut earns a legendary box for spotting the shadow mimic first. Bucket Boy, still grieving, is in Carl's room, which Carl has still not entered.

Mordecai has finished the backpack on the crafting table. Carl sews on a four-leaf-clover patch, a foot crushing clovers, above the Midnight Epicure: Lucky Shot, once per floor — 'A fatal blow will be deflected into the body of a party member instead'. Donut takes Legendary Steed for Mongo's saddle and a weightless cart, and fusses that the patch is not straight; Carl will take it off the second he has used it. Jurgen reports that Donut's flowers have bloomed, and she calls for decorators.

Characters

• Carl — Sews on the Lucky Shot patch; a gun and a holster; still has not entered his room.
• Princess Donut — A Gurkha hat and, as floor prize, the Tome of Gatekeeper; Legendary Steed; 'It’s not straight!'
• Samantha — 'First, I lose Louis and now someone takes my doggy away.'
• Jamal — Holds her before the screen.
• Tipid — 'It just started with no explanation.'
• Rosetta Thagra — A tunnel node; pinholes.
• Zev — On every screen but the centre.
• Mordecai — Is the table; 'I feel like I gotta pee'; the backpack done.
• Bucket Boy — Still grieving in his room.
• Jurgen — 'Fuzzy Buddy says your flowers are done blooming.'

Locations

• The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — Screens, boxes, the sewing.
• The garage and the cul-de-sac — Fifty gremlins under Prepotente's supervision.

Motifs

• The Parade of Horribles — 'The Parade begins soon […] Viewing is mandatory.'
• The Tome of Gatekeeper — An Advance Reader Copy for the twelfth: strips a god's worshipper-base powers.
• The AI's confessions — On gatekeepers: 'You don’t own suffering.'
• Plan Carl — Lucky Shot: a fatal blow deflected into a party member.
• The Celestial Ascendency — Street date: 12th floor.
• Outside Intelligences — 'OI entity' — nobody knows.