Chapter 15 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 15 — The Lollipop: the crawlers' table

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 14 — Hungry Eyes; the Hairpin and the Lollipop · Next: Chapter 16 — The Paramour · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

» Safe room rules do NOT apply to this establishment.

Summary

Karaoke: Dekoki, a level-84 Kappa Seductress of team Yokai with Saran Wrap over her head bowl, sings Taylor Dayne; a ghost, a red ogre and a sapient paper lantern dance; the Minister of Blood-Letting, a level-98 Dark Ghoul Papist of the Bleak Congregation in a necklace of live bats, is up next with 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World' — his team drives a Wienermobile. The crawlers' table: Imani (with a beer) and Elle have a Mowag Piranha V that 'handles like a three-legged pig walking backward through a snowstorm'; Florin and Lucia have a tuk-tuk — Prepotente recites the Mazda-Go of 1931 — but came first and took three upgrades (tech shield, all-terrain climbing tires, GPS) over a Golden one; Chris and the Erins — Erin Stratos, a level-66 Moodright covered in glowing tattoos, and Erin Gregory, a level-69 Swiftie who killed orcs by the hundred for Florin — have a slow semitruck ('Kinda like you,' Imani tells Chris, her skin sizzling on his; Donut: 'IMANI IS IN LOVE WITH CHRIS!'); Louis, Britney and Bautista have a neon lowrider Tahoe with two inches of clearance that bottomed out, came second to last, and got wheel spinners from the audience vote — they only survived because 'the tentacle guys hadn’t gotten eaten'. Lucia, whose dogs are gone, flips personalities 30% of the time into a random kid and would not say why she took no deal; Florin hired a mercenary for her driving turn. Jurgen, whose pregnant Heidi is in the kinder facility with Katia and Lucia's 120,000 children, swings from jolly to lethal: if it comes to crawler versus crawler, 'I’ll make them understand.' Under the table, holding the pole, is Linus — a soother tourist in an Elle nude T-shirt ('Stay Frosty, Boys'), a fanny pack and a bad tattoo of her face, who runs the centre-system chapter of Elle's Snow Cones with the merch contract and won 'extra access' by being the only tourist who came. Zhang says Li Na is not really talking to him and killed almost every team in their heat; Tran, with a hearse and wrecked spider legs, is stuck in his garage; Zhang and Li Na ride an octopus. Prepotente signs up for 'Tarzan Boy'; the songs are all from the 1980s.

Characters

• Carl — Takes the table's inventory of vehicles and losses.
• Princess Donut — 'IMANI IS IN LOVE WITH CHRIS!'
• Imani — A Mowag Piranha that 'handles like a three-legged pig'; her skin sizzles on Chris.
• Elle McGibbons — Shares the APV.
• Florin — A tuk-tuk; took three upgrades over a Golden; hired a mercenary for Lucia's turn.
• Lucia Mar — Her dogs gone; flips into a random child 30% of the time; would not say why she took no deal.
• Chris — A slow semitruck — 'Kinda like you,' Imani teases him.
• The Erins — Erin Stratos, a Moodright in glowing tattoos, and Erin Gregory, a Swiftie who killed orcs by the hundred.
• Louis and Firas — A neon lowrider Tahoe with two inches of clearance; wheel spinners from the vote.
• Britney Proskurina — In the Tahoe.
• Daniel Bautista — In the Tahoe.
• Jurgen — Jolly to lethal: 'I’ll make them understand.'
• Prepotente — Signs up for 'Tarzan Boy'.
• Linus and Minus — Under the table holding the pole: a soother in an Elle nude shirt, the Snow Cones' centre-system chapter.
• Li Jun and Zhang — Zhang: Li Na is not talking to him and killed almost every team in their heat; they ride an octopus.
• Li Na — Killed almost every team in her heat.
• Tran — A hearse, wrecked spider legs, stuck in his garage.
• Katia Grim — In the kinder facility with Heidi and the children.

Locations

• The Lollipop — Karaoke: Dekoki of team Yokai sings Taylor Dayne; the Minister of Blood-Letting is up next.

Motifs

• The tenth floor — Vehicles, upgrades and losses around one table; every song is from the 1980s.
• The kinder facility — Heidi, pregnant, with Katia and Lucia's 120,000 children.
• Lucia's voices — Random children 30% of the time.
• The chat — The table talk.
• The show — Linus won 'extra access' by being the only tourist who came.