Chapter 48 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 48 — Satan's Water Park; a corpse at the wheel

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 47 — Secretions; the twist; One Fine Pig eliminated · Next: Chapter 49 — Mehmet's page; the tubes; the trapdoor · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“A hedgehog,” Donut said for the hundredth time.

Summary

'A hedgehog.' At the line with a minute left, Hedy and Jamal in the garage, Mongo in inventory, Dorota silent once the seat understood: Olga's resurrected corpse drives, head caved in, tongue lolling like a slimed yo-yo — Second Chance at level 11 (12 with Brain Trust), fifteen minutes, five gone, Clockwork Triplicate to follow for twenty more. A summon skirts the rules; they steer by voice; the alternative was Mongo. Florin, forty minutes ahead, is shadowing Dwight and Lucienne to slow them; Osvaldo follows Florin's route; the bugbears are patching their van. A troll with a pink mohawk in a right-hand-drive tow truck smiles at Carl and drops her cigarette at Olga. The track: slides like the Iron Tangle with a clear map, where the wrong path ends inside the boss — Satan, an invulnerable country boss who owns the park and heckles from the exit, a kaiju-sized hedgehog. Donut on hedgehogs ('Wannabe, effeminate porcupines […] notorious deviants […] I bet it talks with a British accent'), and Carl remembers the Tacoma pet festival where kitten Donut lost Cutest in Show to a rescue hedgehog named Jezebel, Bea's funk, the vanilla milkshake on the drive back — 'Of course the slut orphan is going to win.' She is nervous; he strokes her. Their path is the River of Sloth, the lazy river south of the loop-de-loop (fastest, most dangerous), past the toddler splash pad and the wave pool; the ginger base camp sits at its midpoint, so the path was forced; here the gingers are 'season pass holders' and Maurice must still die — in the slums he is the Red Menace of Tinker Town. Dr. Metcalf: 'SHE DOESN’T HAVE A GODSDAMNED HEAD. HOW IS SHE HEARING YOUR COMMANDS?' 'I find it’s better not to think too hard on some of this stuff.' Spare corpses: a camel, Faction Wars NPCs, Elle's headless orcs. The tow truck goes; Satan's booming laughter — 'Jolly good show'. Donut bristles.

Characters

• Carl — Remembers Jezebel and the Tacoma pet festival; 'better not to think too hard.'
• Princess Donut — Second Chance at 11: Olga's corpse drives; 'Wannabe, effeminate porcupines.'
• Team Helix (Olga, Finley and Quemada) — Olga's headless corpse at the wheel.
• Florin — Forty minutes ahead, shadowing the unicorn.
• Osvaldo — Following Florin's route.
• Dwight and Lucienne (Team Sparkles) — The target for slowing.
• Satan — An invulnerable kaiju hedgehog who owns the park: 'Jolly good show'
• Bea — Her funk after the hedgehog won; the vanilla milkshake.

Locations

• Satan's Water Park — Slides like the Iron Tangle; the wrong path ends inside the boss; the River of Sloth.

Motifs

• Dr. Metcalf (the Navitron 1000) — 'HOW IS SHE HEARING YOUR COMMANDS?'
• Dorota — Silent once the seat understood.
• The tenth floor — A summon skirts the driver rule.
• Quests — 'Season pass holders'; the Red Menace of Tinker Town.