Chapter 50 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 50 — The River of Sloth; ginger genocide; Lucienne on the hood

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 49 — Mehmet's page; the tubes; the trapdoor · Next: Chapter 51 — The Scavenger's Daughter blinks; Azra; heat four results · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

In seconds, the driverless truck was past the hidden trapdoor, and we continued forward al

Summary

Driverless along the wall, off the edge, two spider legs smoking; past the basement entrance, mowing queued gingers. Joel is too big for the seat; Carl slides it back and pushes his hand through the camel's chest ('Why did you do that?'). The second clockwork explodes in the back, blowing the door open. Florin: the Dominators are behind him trading blows with Sparkles; Lucia's brick wall stops the gnu and the womantaurs, the unicorn goes over it; 'fast as a horny cheetah'. The River of Sloth — a red-eyed sloth ripping a bong on the ENTER HERE sign — full of gingers in inner tubes, Maurice somewhere among them. Imani killed her Maurice, an orangutan, and won an engineer; Louis nearly out, 'Bodi is the best driver ever!' Carl casts Gutter Bumper on the river; Donut's Ice Slick follows the bumpers and runs 50% longer, freezing every ginger in place — Mehmet, a support caster who saved lives in Faction Wars, 'reminded me of Imani […] People like him were the true heroes of this dungeon.' The brush hog goes out the back: every spare non-magical weapon chained in a line, dragged over the ice, cutting the frozen gingers 'like weeds'; a chain snaps past Carl's head. Then Summon Ye, Vermin — every zipper shrew in the park drills toward Donut through whatever stands in the way. Maurice, hairless and Shrek-like, one arm free and casting, is unpeeled into a flower of flesh. Quest Complete: the engineer prize is 'now in a million pieces […] This is seriously bordering on ginger genocide.' Satan, bored, headbutts the loop-de-loop over as Florin and Sparkles finish it; the vine, hit by a missile, splats burning; Florin's tuk-tuk lands on its tires, Lucia sobbing and laughing, and zooms for the line; Dwight spins screaming, no Lucienne — because Lucienne, a rodent, was summoned: on the hood, helmet on the windshield, bug eyes swelling in the poisoned air, 'Let me in! I’m coming to you, swine!' At the arch the finish barrier pushes her through the glass, into Carl's mouth, and out the back of the truck.

Characters

• Carl — Gutter Bumper on the river; the brush hog of chained weapons; 'People like him were the true heroes.'
• Princess Donut — Ice Slick down the bumpers; Summon Ye, Vermin; Dorota grows her a basket.
• Florin — Lands on his tires and zooms for the line.
• Lucia Mar — Sobbing, crying and laughing at once.
• Imani — Her Maurice was an orangutan; an engineer won.
• Louis and Firas — 'Bodi is the best driver ever!'
• Dwight and Lucienne (Team Sparkles) — The loop headbutted over; Lucienne summoned onto the hood and pushed through the glass.
• Satan — 'Bah, this bores me.'

Locations

• Satan's Water Park — The River of Sloth frozen; the loop-de-loop falls.

Motifs

• Explosives — The brush hog.
• Quests — Pasty Inferno complete; the engineer in a million pieces.
• The AI's confessions — 'This is seriously bordering on ginger genocide.'
• The tenth floor — First over the line.
• Carl's Book of Boom — The spell that was perfect.