Chapter 17 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 17 — Bucket Boy at the wheel; Dr. Metcalf

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 16 — The Paramour · Next: Chapter 18 — Heat two: the hail, and Team Sparkles' cannon · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“What does this button do?

Summary

Fifteen minutes to heat two with Bucket Boy, who volunteered, in the driver's seat touching everything (the big red button is the spider legs). The GPS threatens him — 'I’ll lead you into a swamp and drown you like a basket of ugly puppies' — and Donut has named her: Dr. Metcalf, after Bea's expensive 'alternative' therapist who was not a doctor and made Carl do a trust fall; not really her, Donut asked. 'SHE HAS BIG MEAN-GIRL, NARCISSIST ENERGY, SO WE MUST BE NICE TO HER' Hedy's Donut drive system — a rocking lever on the wheel and sticks on the pedals, straight from a goblin workshop — sits unused in Donut's inventory; the freezer refills chicken patties, fries and tots ten seconds after they are taken. Carl cannot rip the tommy gun off: 'You do not have the ability to make changes to the stock configuration of your vehicle at this time.' Rend, mouth full of raw fries, goes into his carrier. Dr. Metcalf shows the map when asked please (red to blue): the left path, grid spot seven, both gatekeepers about halfway and close enough to see each other, and 'now that we’ve actually put a prepubescent crocodile behind the wheel, I see you’re not leaving anything to chance.' The plan with Chiyome and the bugbears is set. Hedy opens the door on a downpour and lightning. Then Tran: 'Got some shitty news', and Zhang: Li Na killed five of their heat's teams, four replacements stand at their line — two NPC teams and two crawler teams, including Tran's — and Na sits behind him not reacting while he holds the reins. 'And so it begins.'

Characters

• Carl — Cannot rip the tommy gun off: the stock configuration is locked.
• Princess Donut — Names the GPS Dr. Metcalf after Bea's therapist; 'WE MUST BE NICE TO HER'.
• Bucket Boy — Volunteers to drive and touches everything.
• Hedy — Built a goblin-workshop drive rig for Donut, unused.
• Garret — Rend into his carrier with a mouth full of raw fries.
• Bea — Her 'alternative' therapist and the trust fall.
• Tran — 'Got some shitty news.'
• Li Jun and Zhang — Zhang: four replacements at their line, two of them crawler teams; Na sits behind him not reacting.
• Li Na — Killed five of their heat's teams.
• Imani — In chat: 'What’s wrong?'

Locations

• The garage and the cul-de-sac — Fifteen minutes to heat two; the door opens on a downpour.

Motifs

• Dr. Metcalf (the Navitron 1000) — Threatens to drown Bucket Boy 'like a basket of ugly puppies'; shows the map when asked please.
• The Big Shot Chicken truck — The freezer refills in ten seconds; the stock configuration cannot be changed.
• The chat — Tran and Zhang's news.
• The tenth floor — 'And so it begins.'