Chapter 76 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 76 — Apartment 231; the peach beer

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 75 — Archie's boy; Imani's family; the Feast Hive · Next: Chapter 77 — Miriam at the piano; Pony · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

“We need to wait for Imani and Elle!

Summary

On the ceiling dodging a smoke detector, Carl on Sticky Feet hurling Biscuit Packs that foam the beetles out of the air, a hobgoblin disco ball for cover, waiting for the real Imani and Elle to reach their gate — Imani's Confuzzled stuns the bugs. 'Meet us at the feet of Imani’s dad!' 'That’s not my dad.' 'Did Gucci not have sewn eyes?' Down through a Hole at the man's feet, Imani and Elle following, into apartment 214: not an apartment but a youth facility — harsh light, industrial tile, endless bunks, the stench of cleaner, another country and yet the same; it staggers Carl. Girls ringing a fight. Imani: 'That was a good thing. All that did was show that my uncle would’ve died even if I hadn’t left. But what’s going on with my dog?' Into the hall (apartments are self-contained; the bugs are not), past the blown elevator, to 231 — 'Remember, it’s not real.' It is their building, a first-floor apartment: a pink motorcycle helmet, boots, a scratched cat tree with an orange cat asleep on top. Marjory Williams, Gravy Boat's owner (Ferdinand's), and a friend, Alicia, both X'd: Bill keeps calling, the restraining order, 'He drained your bank account. He busted your face. He almost killed your cat'; 'He says he finally got a job.' In the utility room three gates — disintegration, teleport, real — and a stacked washer and dryer Carl never knew any unit had, an absurd outrage. Gate Six. Donut remembers the police at the door three days running, Bea furious, calling her father; Carl: Mrs. Parsons said it was about Marjory; and Ferdinand had spoken of a Bill. Jurgen: apartment 130, first floor — Prepotente's mother is playing the piano and he has jumped off Sweety; the air is toxic; one dose of splooge. 'Osvaldo, what floor?' 'About to cross the finish line.' Fuck, fuck, fuck. Second, third or fourth — 'I didn’t know, and that wasn’t good enough.' He looks at Donut; she nods. Explosives, Primed, the detonator. 'Forgive me, friends.' Team Free Love eliminated, both racers dead; three teams remain. Samantha had distracted the bugbears while Carl, in his first Oozy Form, swapped a Peach beer for the one they gave him, drilled and packed in his bomber's studio, invisible below Find Traps 12, riding the cooler that teleported back into their van after every race — a fail-safe against last place. 'How many NPCs had we killed at this point? What were two more?' 'Let’s go help Prepotente.'

Characters

• Carl — 'Forgive me, friends' — detonates the beer can; 'At least it’s not another crawler.'
• Princess Donut — Nods; remembers the police at the door.
• Pontiff — Drives.
• Nester — Aboard.
• Imani — Confuzzled stuns the bugs; 'my uncle would’ve died even if I hadn’t left.'
• Elle McGibbons — 'Imani, you look like shit.'
• Radoslav and Jasha (Team Free Love) — Team Free Love eliminated by a bomb in their Peach beer.
• Jurgen — Prepotente has jumped off Sweety; one dose of splooge.
• Prepotente — At his mother's piano.
• Osvaldo — 'About to cross the finish line' — a lie.
• Marjory Williams and Gravy Boat — Gravy Boat's owner and an abusive Bill; the police three days running.
• Samantha — Distracted the bugbears for the swap.
• Bea — Furious at the police.

Locations

• The L'Engle Building — A youth facility in another country; apartment 231 is Carl's own building.

Motifs

• Human Shells — Marjory and Alicia, X'd.
• Staying human — 'I felt like an utter piece of shit. That was the point.'
• Explosives — A drilled can in the cooler that teleports home.
• The mobs are victims — 'What were two more?'
• The kinder facility — Bunk beds that go on and on.