Chapter 84 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 84 — The dachshund walks to the Hairpin

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible One · Previous: Chapter 83 — The poleaxes; Britney kills Osvaldo; the Cadillac · Next: Chapter 85 — The Wheel of Fortune; 'Nothing' in quotes · Floor: Floor 10 — Don't Come in Last · Series: the series

Opening

An AI notification popped up the second we returned to our cul-de-sac.

Summary

Back in the cul-de-sac — 'Listen, dumbass. You’re going the wrong direction' — Samantha steering off the road, Donut on pedals. Carl learns to open a door by swiping and willing it; every garage now carries an X but theirs. How lonely. Elle to Donut on the Troika: they lied, they would have killed Elle, Imani and Chris at the exit; Ivan and his friends once dismantled a bridge for scrap and caused a train crash and laughed. 'OKAY, THAT DOES MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.' Vendor Village empty, not a food stall. Slugpox: Mordecai's cure sits on the crafting table with the backpack — Carl kept the disease as a weapon controlled by the Emberus ring, over everyone's objection, because Bigs's birth saved him. Pop: a level-30 slug, Lil' Mello Haze, backward cap over his eye sockets, a mace-head tail, 'Yo, what’s hanging, daddy man?' — smaller because Carl is, and he wanders off. 'Is that story true, about the bridge?' 'Does it matter?' Carl: 'They were scared, I think. Just like Osvaldo […] We can’t hate each other. There’s so few of us left.' Elle: 'At least we have another crazy Carl plan to chase […] we will die with hope in our hearts alongside our friends, and that’s gotta mean something.' 'That Corky guy said something similar to Dong once.' 'Don’t ever mention that Corky guy again.' Thirty crawlers wait at the Hairpin. Chris, a werewolf in human form, in his Meadow Lark overalls — so normal it looks out of place, his eyes so sad until Imani looks up and 'his entire soul smiled'; the transformation ends at a stairwell, and if this works Chris never takes another. Elle a goblin in her socks; Prepotente fingering the glowing crystal, staying for Jurgen, who stays for Lucia, in her beautiful-woman form and pissed. Then, as one, they howl — bent-over, screaming laughter at the dachshund, Imani to Lucia. 'And I thought the kangaroo was funny.' A chin scratch: You have been cured of Slugpox! 'Ahh, man. I loved those little fuckers.' Jacobus the starfish squirts. 'Dude, your dick is peeking out.' 'He saw Imani’s purse dog, and it hasn’t retracted since.' 'Let’s go rob a casino.'

Characters

• Carl — Learns to open doors; Lil' Mello Haze born; 'Let’s go rob a casino.'
• Princess Donut — 'I NEVER EVEN TALKED TO THEM'; 'the Princess Posse is going to be scandalized.'
• Samantha — 'We’re going to have to put him down.'
• Jamal — Guards the truck.
• Elle McGibbons — Ivan's bridge; 'we will die with hope in our hearts.'
• Imani — Cures the slugpox at last; 'And I thought the kangaroo was funny.'
• Chris — Human, in Meadow Lark overalls; 'his entire soul smiled.'
• Prepotente — Fingering the glowing crystal.
• Jurgen — Talking to Lucia.
• Lucia Mar — Pissed, beautiful.
• Louis and Firas — 'Dude, your dick is peeking out.'
• Jacobus — A starfish squirting water.
• The Tracksuit Troika — Ivan dismantled a bridge for scrap.

Locations

• The garage and the cul-de-sac — Every garage X'd but theirs.
• Hungry Eyes Village — Empty, not a vendor.
• The Desperado Club — Thirty crawlers at the Hairpin.

Motifs

• The Sluggalos — Lil' Mello Haze wanders off; 'I loved those little fuckers.'
• The nine-tier attack — Transformations end at a stairwell — Chris need never take one.
• Carl's family — 'We can’t hate each other. There’s so few of us left.'
• 'You're not going to break me' — 'That’s gotta mean something.'
• Staying human — Understanding Osvaldo and the Troika.