Chapter 93 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 93 — The arena: 'I choose Scolopendra'

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible Two · Previous: Chapter 92 — Chaco on Lamashtu; the AI's history in four parts; Vengeance · Next: Chapter 94 — Dungeon Boss; the pig in the harness · Floor: Floor 11 — A Parade of Horribles · Series: the series

Opening

We pulled up to the entrance of the arena.

Summary

Before a Godzilla-sized white door the procession spreads out; inside, the tree rises hundreds of feet with a roaring mob on top — Krakaren Prime, Carl assumes. Carl hugs a frightened Donut and sends her to Elle and Imani in the RV, Rend after her; they tell each other they love each other. Tipid refuses to leave, but Carl tells him his story isn't done; the blood-soaked sluggalos pile into the cab instead and open the Sluggalo Chick-Chick Express, deep fryer hissing.

On the jumbotron Carl declares that they are done playing and dying on the AI's terms: 'This is our revolution, motherfuckers.' The last rope drops the Unwashed to reveal Dwight's missile launcher bolted to the roof, the truck sideswipes through the door, and the airship turns home. With 45 minutes to collapse, the arena — a dozen football fields of packed dirt — fills with thousands of mobs fighting each other, and a masked orc stand-in is run down. The rules: the twelfth's entrances open on the floor boss's death, and Carl has two choices of stand-in. Penny discovers she can type.

In the bleachers sit the silent horribles, avatars of the dead mobs, and Carl understands: the NPCs and mobs, goblins to gods, are drips from the same well as the system AI, aggregate intelligence — Primals, all the way down. For his first choice, he chooses Scolopendra.

Characters

• Carl — 'I love you, Princess Donut'; 'This is our revolution, motherfuckers'; 'I choose Scolopendra.'
• Princess Donut — 'Don’t jinx it, Carl […] I love you, too'; to the RV on Mongo.
• Garret — 'No, no, no' — sent with Donut.
• Mongo — Carries Donut.
• Tipid — Carl, to him: 'Your story isn’t done, Tipid.'
• Kandy Bigs Newton — 'You do your thing. We do our thing'; the fryer on.
• Penelope — 'WHAT THE FUDGE IS HAPPENING?'
• Grigori the Placid — Arms crossed.
• Chaco — Wingless, holding his head.

Locations

• The arena — A dozen football fields; thousands of mobs; stand-ins hunted a hundred to one.

Motifs

• The Krakaren — Krakaren Prime atop the tree, roaring.
• Plan Carl — The worst possible drivers wanted.
• The arena vote and the stand-ins — Two choices of stand-ins.
• Primal engines — 'Primals. All of them. All the way down.'
• Waking the NPCs — Aggregate intelligence, not artificial.
• The mobs are victims — 'They, too, were victims in all this.'
• Vengeance — 'We are done.'
• The enriched pet biscuits — Penelope typing.