Chapter 94 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 94 — Dungeon Boss; the pig in the harness

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible Two · Previous: Chapter 93 — The arena: 'I choose Scolopendra' · Next: Chapter 95 — Inside Scolopendra; Club Scolopendra; 'I killed him' · Floor: Floor 11 — A Parade of Horribles · Series: the series

Opening

» System Message: Scolopendra has entered the realm.

Summary

Scolopendra enters the realm, and the AI's voice turns calm, lucid and glitchless, more like a stern dad, which is worse. The boss battle pits twenty-three crawlers and Penelope 3 against Krakaren Prime, Level 235 floor boss — brought in because the AI caught wind of what Carl and someone else are planning — and an ordinary-looking centipede: Scolopendra, Level 500 dungeon boss, never before summoned.

The AI lays out the rules. Killing the dungeon boss has the effect of a Crawler Extinction; escaping without killing it is worse, though a path exists in the rules. Killing her is not winning — the win is the final door on the eighteenth — but level timers cease, floors stop collapsing on their own, no deals are offered after the twelfth's entrance, and the Ascendency battles begin at once; the dungeon collapses twelve hours after a winner is crowned. Floors cannot be skipped, though the fifteenth, Sheol, has segregated itself and probably can be. Fail to kill her and the floor collapses on her, and the dungeon can no longer be exited. And the warning: if Scolopendra dies or is abandoned on a collapsing floor, the remaining attacks trigger all at once. Carl goes to Plan C, which Donut calls Plan Carl.

The centipede, longer than an aircraft carrier, coils up the tree, which cracks; Krakaren rains green mist and the mobs flee. Carl messages Emberus that he knows who killed his son and will show proof if they meet; Emberus is coming. Penelope 3 is a Level 10 Yorkshire Pig crawler, made sapient by the Nothing Special Party Companion biscuit, who has discovered chat and must reach a safe room for a late-dungeon guide — Mordecai, since Carl fed her and she is in his party. Carl, who has blown up settlements and killed thousands, finds this simple act a step too far: she is bait. He straps her into the tenth-floor backpack, resized for a pig, feeds them both splooge, and tells Emberus to meet him in Club Scolopendra. Then, lightning above, he puts his father's gun to the pig's head and shouts for Taranis to show himself if he does not want her shot.

Characters

• Carl — Straps the pig to his chest; his father's gun to her head: 'Taranis […] show yourself!'
• Princess Donut — 'IT’S CALLED PLAN CARL.'
• Penelope — Penelope 3, Crawler #12,953,454, Yorkshire Pig, level 10; 'I CRAVE SPLOOGE.'
• Kandy Bigs Newton — Sent to the RV.
• Emberus — 'Where? Tell me now. I am coming.'
• Taranis — Lightning above at the pig's name.
• Scolopendra — Level 500, an aircraft carrier coiling up the tree.
• Elle McGibbons — 'The psycho plan.'
• Florin — 'We really need to start making plan C the primary plan.'
• Mordecai — Penny's guide-to-be.
• The System AI — Calm, lucid, 'a stern dad'; 'this takes the fucking prize.'

Locations

• The arena — Boss Battle: twenty-three faces and Penelope 3 versus two.
• Sheol — The fifteenth has segregated itself.

Motifs

• The Krakaren — Level 235 Floor boss, brought because of 'what you and someone else are planning'.
• The nine-tier attack — Kill her or abandon her and the rest fire at once.
• Plan Carl — Plan C.
• The death of Geyrun — 'I know who killed your son.'
• The Celestial Ascendency — Kill her and it begins; the dungeon collapses twelve hours after a winner.
• The enriched pet biscuits — A line crossed.
• Carl's family — His father's gun.
• Staying human — 'How many sausage sandwiches had I eaten?'