Chapter 97 of 99 · Book 8, A Parade of Horribles

Chapter 97 — Eris; the wrong biscuit; the gods leave

Book: A Parade of Horribles · Part: Horrible Two · Previous: Chapter 96 — Emberus explodes · Next: Chapter 98 — W-W-W-Winner; Mark of the Damned; the wrong biscuit · Floor: Floor 11 — A Parade of Horribles · Series: the series

Opening

» You are in the presence of another Deity.

Summary

Eris's presence charges the patch, and her random effect swaps every crawler's inventory with the nearest crawler's; Carl finds nothing but hats. The next attack will hit 40%. Taranis calls for his little sister, and Eris, speaking from everywhere, taunts him: he has been sleeping with their mother, he killed their brother over a pig, and four of their mother's five pieces are in the arena watching. Amid the argument, Carl tells Donut, who now holds his inventory, to combine the ball in slot ten of his hotlist with the biscuit in slot twelve. The xistera forms, Donut drops the ball in, and Carl lays the bike down, launches, and flings the banger sphere with the Nothing Special enriched pet biscuit into Scolopendra's mouth. The dungeon boss splatters into a gelatinous puddle the size of a small elephant. New Achievement: What the actual fuck, Carl?

The world freezes, and Eris towers over Carl — serpent-faced, part Saccathian and part Krakaren, her lower mass thousands of snake tails — with Uzi Jesus beside him. Taranis, she says, is all-powerful but does not understand how he is being played: the pig is 'banana peels on the road in front of a raging bull', thrown down by a grasping AI. If those downstairs win the Ascendency, it is lights out. She realises she does not need Carl's worship: 'You are chaos incarnate.' Before leaving she tells him every exit is an entrance, and that they have until the end of the twelfth to figure out how the fifth side of the coin lands.

Inventories are restored, their organisation lost. Taranis catches a Krakaren tentacle — 'I can’t let you die,' though Carl is not sure whether he means him, Penelope or Krakaren — and sends Khepri home. He is taking two of his mother's pieces, he says, and sparing Carl and Donut only because Penelope spoke for them; they are not done. Penny has broken up with him, having had no idea he was married. Samantha whispers in his ear, and he leaves with her and Krakaren. And just like that, it is over.

Characters

• Carl — 'Hats. It was all fucking hats'; flings the biscuit; Eris calls him 'chaos incarnate'.
• Princess Donut — 'Why do you have rocks!'; finds the ball.
• Eris — Serpent-faced on thousands of snake tails; 'Four of her five pieces are in here'; 'Every exit is an entrance.'
• Heyzoos — 'There’s a lot of people’s auras inside that thing.'
• Taranis — 'Little sister! Where are you?'; spares them; takes two pieces; 'We are not done.'
• Khepri — Told 'Go home' and 'Begone!' by Taranis; points at Carl and Donut, chittering.
• Penelope — 'HE LIED ABOUT THE SPLOOGE, SO WE BROKE UP.'
• Samantha — Whispers to Taranis and leaves with him.
• Scolopendra — A gelatinous puddle.
• Imani — Elle's candies.
• Elle McGibbons — 'That’s mine! We switched!'
• Florin — Lucia's inventory.
• Lucia Mar — Florin's.

Locations

• The arena — Snake tails close over Carl; the gods leave.

Motifs

• The Krakaren — Taken by Taranis.
• The enriched pet biscuits — A banger sphere with a Nothing Special biscuit.
• The five-sided coin — 'We have until the end of the twelfth.'
• The pieces of Apito — Five; four here; 'when she fully comes back from the dead.'
• The Celestial Ascendency — 'If we let those guys downstairs win the Ascendency, it’s lights out.'
• The Pineapple Cabaret — 'Do you know how doors work?'
• Plan Carl — 'What the actual fuck, Carl?'
• The Scavenger's Daughter — Opens for Eris.