Samantha

A head

Ejected from Carl's inventory when the crystal spell breaks: a latex sex-doll head with fangs, a chipped chin, white hair and a barrette reading 'Wet for you', possessed by the Withering Spirit of Psamathe — a minor deity banished by her father for bearing a king's child, half of whom fled into the nearest naiad vessel on her first escape and has lived in Lika ever since (ch. 24). Katia works out the rest: she talked Ghazi into opening the Nothing, her other half and her ooze-child came through, the crystallisation trapped her, and everyone thought she was in the ghost. Mongo's knock made her a head instead of a full-powered deity.

The trainer

Carl tunes her jaw until the words come — 'I'm going to kill your mother' — names her Samantha, and Donut hires her as the personal space's trainer so she cannot summon a god by leaving (ch. 24). She helps Mordecai with the yam (ch. 32), explains Emberus and Orthrus ('A puppy! He's a really good boy') (ch. 28), and when a demon of the Nothing's harem comes for her, is fired fifty kilometres on a custom xistera attachment; the god who tears Slit in two is her mother (ch. 34). 'That was my kill!' The harem all hate her; Gash is the one to watch.

The guided missile

Samantha learns that Signet is her cousin and can give her a body (ch. 17) and spends the floor demanding it. Carl duct-tapes two seeking missiles to her and throws her; she comes back with an ankle (ch. 22). She goes into a river with an alarm trap playing Wonderwall taped to her head (ch. 25), into the vents (ch. 26), is swallowed twice (ch. 27), scouts across the river with a feather in her mouth (ch. 28), is tortured on Vrah's back (ch. 34), thrown like a rocket (ch. 37), used as a football by cubs (ch. 55) and rolled at an anti-air gun (ch. 61). Goddess of unrequited love, she says (ch. 26); she names a beaver god in the Nothing and a god who wears him (ch. 24), slanders Pawna (ch. 23) and knows what Diwata is (ch. 62, ch. 70).

The security room

Nobody goes to the bathroom that much: she finds the secret notes and signs them Psamathe (ch. 72). In the cat tunnels she finds the guards already beheaded, pulls the right-hand crystals so Ballroom A can cast again, shoves the left-hand ones back to disarm the hunters, holds a door against a birthing god ('SUCK IT, BITCH'), and when the door breaks, bites down on the soul crystals and blows out the third floor (ch. 73). She surfs into the ballroom on a wave of bug gore, bites the dying Vrah — 'Remember me, bitch!' — learns that her cousin is gone, and rockets away through a hole in the floor before the castle leaves (ch. 75). The empty body of Signet's mother is in Carl's inventory for her.

MaeMae's friend

Samantha is swallowed by a spider and spends weeks in its stomach, planning a bachelorette party with matching shirts and a torrid affair with Louis (ch. 8, ch. 26). The spider becomes her best friend and promises her a body; she believes it. She drinks dirty Shirleys, dates a badger bartender to third base, carries him through a demon's rampage with his arm stuck in her neck, and watches him torn in half (ch. 31–ch. 33); she lets Minge out of the Nothing by wandering into a casino (ch. 32).

What she can do

She floats, then flies; she glows like a small sun and fizzles (ch. 29); she teleports an entire beach when asked to bring back one nun (ch. 55); a goddess's pickaxe bounces off her (ch. 66). Made to confess, she says she enhances spells and cannot control it, cannot teleport, reached the swamp by sticking to a train, and is 'useless' and 'a fraud' — and is told she is part of the team (ch. 57). After Elle's hail she mutters about the four seasons path, the tree and the river, and someone's mother to kill (ch. 65). Amayon knows who she really is (ch. 69).

The carnival ride

She carries spider automatons inside her for Carl's teleports (ch. 57), carries Carl himself a foot off the ground between a demon's legs (ch. 68), and has him land head-first inside her for twenty seconds of acid — 'the second weirdest sex I ever had' (ch. 69). She breaks up with him afterwards to go back to her king (ch. 72). 'We need to go clubbing more often!'

A woman scorned: she rolls off to kill Tish, Ghazi's ex at the college, before Tish can steal Louis from her the way she tried to steal Ghazi, and blackmails Louis with his 'affair' (ch. 4, ch. 5). She stows away on the bomber to save Louis from himself (ch. 20), gets dropped out of it (ch. 31), wears 'Miss Me?' and then 'Fuck the Cheese Dicks' in lipstick on her forehead (ch. 45, ch. 59), coaches Bautista to throw Katia on the ground and offers to kill Katia's mother (ch. 47), opens a god's temple door with her teeth (ch. 52), and comes out of Club Vanquisher a charred husk wanting help against the skyfowl wearing her mother (ch. 55). Left at the Gate as bait, she names the dragon a Bleached Drake and gets chased across the plains by Yarilo, who hates her ('By his left tit, stop running!') and gives up 'LIKE A BIG WUSSY' (ch. 63, ch. 64, ch. 66). She trades Juice Box a rescue for a body and a hall pass (ch. 70), bonds with a jawless robot dog named Buster (ch. 80), falls from the sky as a comet with one white curl left (ch. 80), and, believing her daughter died in the acid, gives up Princess Lunette's body so Louis can have its heart: 'Louis deserves it more than I do' (ch. 83). Then she says aloud that she may have had a hand in Geyrun's death, and Emberus enters the realm (ch. 83). Fired from the xistera wrapped in streamers, she stalls a crying god at a volcano until he lets go of her, and comes back charred (ch. 86, ch. 87). She remembers, and cannot say why she forgot, that Kimaris gave her the potion that put her baby in her (ch. 87). Whether she is the scavenger, and her daughter the Scavenger's Daughter the war mages took, Carl does not yet know (ch. 83).

Undefeated at Mario Kart with the controller in her mouth (ch. 25); a lipstick called Pussy Lips and outworlder uppers from Rishi's junk (ch. 11, ch. 30); 'I love it when a man wears the skin of his vanquished enemies' (ch. 22). She knows Chachi — the goddess who preaches saving children and kills them (ch. 52) — and Lammy the donkey (ch. 92), and tells Carl how Britney gets Ysalte out of her (ch. 83). Sam Town: her room with a swing and a lava lamp (ch. 68). She drives with her mouth when Carl is a dog (ch. 82), sobs over the affair with Louis she never had (ch. 85), has a plan 'just like' Carl's (ch. 70), and whispers to Taranis and leaves with him and Krakaren (ch. 97) — to his temple, from which she slips away to kill 'THE DEMON MOTHER LADY AND HER JERK SON' who tricked her into bearing a monster (epilogue).