Book
Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles
Year: 2026 · Floors: 10 — Don't Come in Last, 11 — A Parade of Horribles The book on its own: A Parade of Horribles
Chapters
- Ch. 1 — Chandra; the garage
- Ch. 2 — The wheel; a food truck
- Ch. 3 — Heat one; Prepotente's warning
- Ch. 4 — Miss Talulah; Team Free Love
- Ch. 5 — Team Sparkles; the tow
- Ch. 6 — Spider legs
- Ch. 7 — The Moon Reaper
- Ch. 8 — Hats; the Danforth; the godslayer box
- Ch. 9 — Radiant claws; the crupper's rant
- Ch. 10 — Carl's boxes; Rishi's junk
- Ch. 11 — The second cleaner bot
- Ch. 12 — The Team Roundabout; the Wild Hunt
- Ch. 13 — Lady Dominators; Corcunda; a quest
- Ch. 14 — Hungry Eyes; the Hairpin and the Lollipop
- Ch. 15 — The Lollipop: the crawlers' table
- Ch. 16 — The Paramour
- Ch. 17 — Bucket Boy at the wheel; Dr. Metcalf
- Ch. 18 — Heat two: the hail, and Team Sparkles' cannon
- Ch. 19 — One Fine Pig; Penelope
- Ch. 20 — Prison Pocket and Party Foul
- Ch. 21 — The joey skin; into the pouch
- Ch. 22 — Last place; the princess throne
- Ch. 23 — Plenty of Plenty; Zev reads the script; a note from C&W&U
- Ch. 24 — Akuma's note; half a prayer, half a song; the sock
- Ch. 25 — Fursona; Mario Kart; the hotlist
- Ch. 26 — Rend's sixth death; two ghouls
- Ch. 27 — Plenty of Plenty: Lexis in the greenroom
- Ch. 28 — The interlocution; the question Orren wanted asked
- Ch. 29 — The stampede; Harbinger
- Ch. 30 — Heat three: Gluteus Maxx and the Sugar Hermits
- Ch. 31 — Luca Di's entry; the ghoul cages; a mile of fire
- Ch. 32 — The skull of Tem; three vehicles over the line
- Ch. 33 — First place; the jungle ahead
- Ch. 34 — Team Helix
- Ch. 35 — Eris and the five-sided coin
- Ch. 36 — Jacobus, the reverse tooth fairy
- Ch. 37 — Chicken and Waffles and Upgrades; Elle and the war mage
- Ch. 38 — Akuma's account: Herot, Menerva and the Pineapple Cabaret
- Ch. 39 — The Lollipop: a needle over the singer
- Ch. 40 — Heat four: survival containment; Team Flamengo
- Ch. 41 — Forty paths; Osvaldo's crystals
- Ch. 42 — Into the jungle; Quemada breaks; the Wienermobile
- Ch. 43 — The cannibals; Great Rusty; Pasty Inferno
- Ch. 44 — Upano: the pit stop; Jamal on the ceiling; three deaths in the street
- Ch. 45 — The garage of One Fine Pig
- Ch. 46 — Glitzy Pizzazz; two traps
- Ch. 47 — Secretions; the twist; One Fine Pig eliminated
- Ch. 48 — Satan's Water Park; a corpse at the wheel
- Ch. 49 — Mehmet's page; the tubes; the trapdoor
- Ch. 50 — The River of Sloth; ginger genocide; Lucienne on the hood
- Ch. 51 — The Scavenger's Daughter blinks; Azra; heat four results
- Ch. 52 — Interlude: Minus; the key, the upgrades, and Chachi
- Ch. 53 — The key to One Fine Pig's garage
- Ch. 54 — Grigori the Placid; Zhang's only way
- Ch. 55 — The cleaner bot plan
- Ch. 56 — Take on Me
- Ch. 57 — The brawl; Sing for your supper
- Ch. 58 — Jurgen at the door; Porky's zipper
- Ch. 59 — Negative ROI; the GTO leaves early
- Ch. 60 — Real Gs; the scarf
- Ch. 61 — Suckira; the cactus; Li Na leaves the game
- Ch. 62 — Mees Koning's page; to battle
- Ch. 63 — Receiving; the jump; Toddler Cocaine
- Ch. 64 — The hole; the dolls; Corky aboard
- Ch. 65 — Upside down: Corcunda
- Ch. 66 — Grull; Dong tilts a giant
- Ch. 67 — Half a prayer, half a song; one flower
- Ch. 68 — Sam Town; Cascadia's announcement
- Ch. 69 — The stables: who may leave; the Scavenger myth
- Ch. 70 — The memorial crystal; the Midnight Epicure
- Ch. 71 — Hungry Eyes: the goodbye; Bautista's tea
- Ch. 72 — Have You Ever Seen the Rain; Minus unmasked
- Ch. 73 — The Garden of Deliverance; the ducts
- Ch. 74 — Human shells; Ad Infinitum
- Ch. 75 — Archie's boy; Imani's family; the Feast Hive
- Ch. 76 — Apartment 231; the peach beer
- Ch. 77 — Miriam at the piano; Pony
- Ch. 78 — Damien's announcement; under a thousand
- Ch. 79 — 715 deals; Britney in Carl's mind; the Nothing in quotes
- Ch. 80 — The final heat: the lobby
- Ch. 81 — Scolopendra's first attack: the Beast of Burden Sin
- Ch. 82 — Karl the dachshund; Team Sparkles ends
- Ch. 83 — The poleaxes; Britney kills Osvaldo; the Cadillac
- Ch. 84 — The dachshund walks to the Hairpin
- Ch. 85 — The Wheel of Fortune; 'Nothing' in quotes
- Ch. 86 — Mimics; the Big Six
- Ch. 87 — Louis goes; Safehome Yolanda; the giant Imani
- Ch. 88 — Interlude: Quasar; the eleventh floor — twenty-three crawlers; Chaco's parade
- Ch. 89 — Every screen; the Tome of Gatekeeper; the Lucky Shot patch
- Ch. 90 — The Vengeance float; Carl leaves the party
- Ch. 91 — The horribles
- Ch. 92 — Chaco on Lamashtu; the AI's history in four parts; Vengeance
- Ch. 93 — The arena: 'I choose Scolopendra'
- Ch. 94 — Dungeon Boss; the pig in the harness
- Ch. 95 — Inside Scolopendra; Club Scolopendra; 'I killed him'
- Ch. 96 — Emberus explodes
- Ch. 97 — Eris; the wrong biscuit; the gods leave
- Ch. 98 — W-W-W-Winner; Mark of the Damned; the wrong biscuit
- Ch. 99 — Epilogue: Sydnee Iglacia, Prime Minister Victory, Louis Santiago 2
Recurring cast present
Characters
- Carl — 99 chapters
- Princess Donut — 98 chapters
- Imani — 70 chapters
- Elle McGibbons — 60 chapters
- Prepotente — 58 chapters
- Mordecai — 47 chapters
- Louis and Firas — 46 chapters
- Mongo — 45 chapters
- Florin — 40 chapters
- Samantha — 40 chapters
- The System AI — 38 chapters
- Rosetta Thagra — 32 chapters
- Lucia Mar — 31 chapters
- Dong Quixote — 30 chapters
- Jurgen — 30 chapters
- Osvaldo — 27 chapters
- Tipid — 25 chapters
- Garret — 24 chapters
- Jamal — 23 chapters
- Britney Proskurina — 22 chapters
- Chris — 22 chapters
- Bucket Boy — 21 chapters
- Katia Grim — 21 chapters
- Li Jun and Zhang — 20 chapters
- Li Na — 19 chapters
- Kandy Bigs Newton — 17 chapters
- Tran — 17 chapters
- Zev — 17 chapters
- Daniel Bautista — 16 chapters
- Emberus — 16 chapters
- Eris — 15 chapters
- Akuma — 14 chapters
- Scolopendra — 14 chapters
- Splash Zone — 13 chapters
- Bea — 10 chapters
- Orren — 10 chapters
- Bianca — 9 chapters
- Bodi — 8 chapters
- Gluteus Maxx — 8 chapters
- Herot — 8 chapters
- Agatha — 7 chapters
- Baroness Victory — 7 chapters
- Growler Gary — 7 chapters
- Harbinger — 7 chapters
- Hellik — 6 chapters
- Juice Box — 6 chapters
- Meadow Lark (party) — 6 chapters
- Odette — 6 chapters
- Cascadia — 5 chapters
- Justice Light — 5 chapters
- Khepri — 5 chapters
- Mistress Tiatha — 5 chapters
- Quasar — 5 chapters
- The Night Wyrm — 5 chapters
- Brandon — 4 chapters
- Chaco — 4 chapters
- Doctor Bones — 4 chapters
- Heyzoos — 4 chapters
- Lexis — 4 chapters
- Shi Maria — 4 chapters
- Damascus Steel — 3 chapters
- Eileithyia — 3 chapters
- Ferdinand — 3 chapters
- Frank Q and Maggie My — 3 chapters
- Menerva — 3 chapters
- Princess Chandra — 3 chapters
- Astrid — 2 chapters
- Clarabelle — 2 chapters
- Forkith — 2 chapters
- Milk — 2 chapters
- Miriam Dom — 2 chapters
- Prince Maestro — 2 chapters
- Prince Stalwart — 2 chapters
- Princess D'nadia — 2 chapters
- Princess Formidable — 2 chapters
- Raul — 2 chapters
- Rishi — 2 chapters
- The Sledge — 2 chapters
- Amayon — 1 chapter
- Bomo — 1 chapter
- Burcu — 1 chapter
- Commander Stockade — 1 chapter
- Drakea — 1 chapter
- Epitome Tagg — 1 chapter
- Jikininki — 1 chapter
- King Rust — 1 chapter
- Meatus — 1 chapter
- Quan Ch — 1 chapter
- Ripper Wonton — 1 chapter
- Sydnee Iglacia — 1 chapter
- The Desperado Club cretins — 1 chapter
- The Popov brothers — 1 chapter
- Tsarina Signet — 1 chapter
- Tserendolgor — 1 chapter
Locations
- The Dungeon — 44 chapters
- Safe rooms — 37 chapters
- The Nothing — 15 chapters
- The Desperado Club — 12 chapters
- Sheol — 11 chapters
- Larracos — 7 chapters
- Club Vanquisher — 6 chapters
- The Great Race — 6 chapters
- The Royal Palace of Princess Donut — 6 chapters
- The Penis Parade — 4 chapters
- The all-tree — 2 chapters
- The production facility — 2 chapters
Motifs
- Faction Wars — 31 chapters
- Quests — 29 chapters
- The gods — 24 chapters
- The Entering notices — 21 chapters
- The Pineapple Cabaret — 21 chapters
- The bestiary — 21 chapters
- Warnings — 17 chapters
- The tenth floor — 16 chapters
- The war mages — 15 chapters
- The Scavenger's Daughter — 14 chapters
- The Celestial Ascendency — 12 chapters
- The Sluggalos — 12 chapters
- The Krakaren — 11 chapters
- Memorial crystals — 10 chapters
- The Syndicate — 10 chapters
- Explosives — 9 chapters
- The chat — 9 chapters
- Race and class — 7 chapters
- The death of Geyrun — 7 chapters
- Atrocities — 6 chapters
- Crawler on crawler — 6 chapters
- The Anarchist's Battle Rattle — 6 chapters
- Borant — 5 chapters
- Carl's family — 5 chapters
- Player-killer skulls — 5 chapters
- The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook — 5 chapters
- The Oak Fell — 5 chapters
- The Valtay Corporation — 5 chapters
- The clock — 5 chapters
- Ysalte — 5 chapters
- Primal engines — 4 chapters
- The Eye of the Bedlam Bride — 4 chapters
- The Gate of the Feral Gods — 4 chapters
- The Residuals — 4 chapters
- The Ring of Divine Suffering — 4 chapters
- The blood bar — 4 chapters
- The show — 4 chapters
- Waking the NPCs — 4 chapters
- Already married — 3 chapters
- Elites — 3 chapters
- Loot boxes — 3 chapters
- Lucia's voices — 3 chapters
- The Butcher's Masquerade — 3 chapters
- The Eulogist — 3 chapters
- The Filthy Little Crawler's Book of Voodoo — 3 chapters
- The Princess Posse — 3 chapters
- The changelings — 3 chapters
- The crawler count — 3 chapters
- The kinder facility — 3 chapters
- The leaderboard — 3 chapters
- Carl's Doomsday Scenario — 2 chapters
- Carl's bare feet — 2 chapters
- Donut's songs — 2 chapters
- Samantha's body — 2 chapters
- Sponsorship — 2 chapters
- The Cloak of the Benevolent Champion — 2 chapters
- The Dream — 2 chapters
- The Inevitable Ruin — 2 chapters
- The Skull Empire — 2 chapters
- The xistera — 2 chapters
- "Goddamnit, Donut" — 1 chapter
- "You're not going to break me" — 1 chapter
- Conscription — 1 chapter
- The Blood Sultanate — 1 chapter
- The Bolt of Ophiotaurus — 1 chapter
- The Guild of Suffering — 1 chapter
- The Open Intellect Pacifist Action Network — 1 chapter
Themes
- Entertainment as machinery — 5 chapters
- The mobs are victims — 2 chapters
- Staying human — 1 chapter
The clock
The countdowns the system posts, in order.
- B8 ch. 1 — Time to Level Collapse: Level timer has been temporarily suspended for this floor. Please wait for the…
- B8 ch. 88 — Time to Level Collapse: 3 hours, 15 minutes.
- B8 ch. 94 — Time until attack number 2 of 9: 100 seconds.
- B8 ch. 98 — Time to Level Collapse: 30 minutes.
Places entered
Every » Entering card, in order.
- B8 ch. 1 — your garage
- B8 ch. 7 — your safe room
- B8 ch. 12 — Hungry Eyes Village
- B8 ch. 12 — your Team Roundabout
- B8 ch. 14 — Hungry Eyes Vendor Village
- B8 ch. 15 — the Lollipop
- B8 ch. 27 — Production Facility
- B8 ch. 37 — Chicken and Waffles and Upgrades
- B8 ch. 39 — the Lollipop
- B8 ch. 44 — the Lost City of Upano. Mind the locals
- B8 ch. 54 — the Lollipop
- B8 ch. 58 — the Stage Performance Guild
- B8 ch. 63 — the Gasworks Screw Factory, Steel Mill, and Doll Workshop
- B8 ch. 71 — Hungry Eyes Village
- B8 ch. 74 — apartment 712
- B8 ch. 74 — apartment 614
- B8 ch. 75 — apartment 310
- B8 ch. 76 — apartment 214
- B8 ch. 76 — apartment 231
- B8 ch. 84 — Hungry Eyes
- B8 ch. 85 — the Desperado Club
- B8 ch. 88 — Parade Float Staging Area
- B8 ch. 95 — Club Scolopendra
- B8 ch. 99 — Sheol
In the series
Two floors in two parts: the tenth, Horrible One, is Don't Come in Last — seven heats of nine teams in a food truck with a plastic tommy gun, a driver a heat, last place dies and its garage attendant with it, from the fourth heat a team whose vehicle or mount is destroyed loses its containment instead of losing outright, every lost team refilled until crawlers race crawlers; the eleventh, Horrible Two, is three hours — a parade of floats down a yellow-brick road lined with the masked dead of a vanished civilisation, and an arena where Carl summons the dungeon boss on purpose; see the arc of the story. It is the book in which Carl is married before he lands, wears a dead joey's skin, dissolves two Tigrans, bombs his friends' beer, sings 'Take on Me', becomes a dachshund, leaves his god and his party, and tells a Syndicate spy the wreckage has only to settle; in which Li Na and 227 more leave the game in cleaner bots and four more fall into Sheol by a casino wheel; in which a stripper rides a rejoined mantaur into a god; in which the AI tells the history of the universe in four parts and confesses it is losing control; and in which the wrong pet biscuit makes Scolopendra a level-1 crawler. 0 of the series' pages first appear here. Its interludes are a lawyer-princess, a Syndicate soldier, a Nullian attorney, a historian, a prime minister and Louis waking in hell; its NPCs — two bugbears who race for a real place to live, a toad, a badger and a fire fairy run down in the street, a shark on a ceiling — carry the mobs are victims into a game show.